by Peter Marus

I bet those who are reading this are wondering how my car did? After $450 this morning, it passed inspection. A lot more than I expected to pay but it had to be done. Turned out my car needed new brakes and brake rotors. At the very least its out of the way.

After that I did something that's just as fun and enjoyable: went to a cemetery I went to see my dad's grave with my mom so she could plant some flowers she bought. It was nice weather, the sun was out and shining, and the wind wasn't so bad (the cemetery is right by the Whitestone Bridge, and the river). It's always hard for me visiting it. It's always surreal to see the headstone with my father's name on it and the dates of his birth and death. It doesn't really bring up emotions or anything, but it really reminds me that he isn't around and I have to really step up to be the man he expected me to be. I think I am doing a good job about it, just like with most things in my life, I have a hard time knowing if I am doing good or badly. I like to think I always do the right thing, but sometimes the unknown really gets me nervous.

For whoever who has lost a parent: always remember they never really truly go away. Part of them lives in you. I mean half of them did help create you, and I like to think half of me is one parent or another. That helps me be calm about the whole thing, hope it helps others.

When I got home, I decided to tune everyone out, went to my bed and laid down for a while., I just needed to try to get some time to not think I took a nap and finished reading a book (yeah, you read that right, I READ a book). I finished a book my cousin gave me to read but Bernard Goldberg called Crazies to the Left of me, Wimps to the right, How One Side Lost It's mind, and the Other lost it's Nerve. Hes a conservative person, but not a real right wing conservative. His book points out how both Liberals and Conservatives have lost their way. Rather than focusing on their core values, they pander and sell out to whatever interest groups they can just to get money and a few more votes. I agree with a lot of what Goldberg says in the book, I disagree with his stance on Israel and a couple other minor things, but what I don't' agree with him on doesn't make me want to not like the guy. He's a good journalist, and a great writer. His book does have a slight conservative angle, but at the same time, for every fault he points out about the Liberals, be does the same with Conservatives. What I got from his book is that most on the political parties and media are now more motivated by greed and popularity rather than motivated by their ideals.

I always find it ironic that people keep telling me I have a way with words and I can make them feel better or at least comfortable, yet I can't do that myself. I usually over-think situations and ruin things for myself, but at the same time I'll somehow help someone else out with their problems!!!

People have a misconception of me. They thing I have some high standard or I ask too much from people. It's sorta fair to say since as a kid I had to work a lot more to get what the “average” kid got, or I damn near kill myself doing something just to prove someone wrong. It's not true that I sit here and expect people to do things as well as me or put as much effort into something as much as I do. All I have ever asked people who I had to interact with in some form or another is that whatever effort they put into something or whatever thy can give, as long as it's genuine and not half-assed, that's fine for me, I'll figure out the rest. No one's effort is never “not good enough” for me unless I KNOW they are not giving me all they can.