It’s Friday night, and where am I???

by Peter Marus

Sitting here writing this!!! This is one of the real downsides of being unemployed. Having no money really hurts because it all but cuts me off from having a social life. I used to go to Giants Stadium every Metrostars home game and hang out hours before the game tailgating. I enjoyed this sometimes more than the game itself. I would show up early enough to beat the parking charge, and take out the cooler and grill, and hang out with my friends. Without a job and therefore, no money, I can’t do this. Usually it would cost me about $30 total (including tolls, ticket, and food/drink) to go to a game. Now I can’t afford to do that. I did go to a game this season, but the odd thing was that the guys I hung out with seemed different, almost like I didn’t belong there. Maybe it was because I am not at games all the time, or maybe I just really didn’t talk to them beyond the gameday. I don’t know, but I should try to make an effort to keep in touch with them.

Even if I did have the money to go out tonight, most of my friends aren’t available to hang out. Most of them have their own lives to live and I really haven’t kept in touch with them too much (distance btw Penn State, My alma mater, and here does that). Also since I’m single, I don’t really like hanging out with my friends who have a girlfriend or wife. I don’t like the feeling of being the “third person”, Even though they are cool about me hanging with them, it does sometimes feels odd.

Like I said, most of I really haven’t talked to my friends from High School. They have their own lives to live. Since I went to a college out in the middle of Pennsylvania, it wasn’t like we could just hang out (4 hour trip one-way). I can’t really blame anyone else but myself about not keeping in touch, but then again life just happens like that. As far as my college friends, I only have one. The people I used to hang out with screwed me over in some form, and in the end only my roommate from the last 2 years is the only one I can call a friend (and his girlfriend too, since she was the unofficial 5th roommate!!!).

But then again, to have money means you have to have a job….something I really need and want!!! I hate hearing people bitch and moan about how their jobs suck, the employed have no right to complain!!! In this economy it’s really hard to get work (even the fast food jobs). I still get angry about the BS that was fed to me my entire life (you know the “once you get out of college, a job is almost a certainty!!!” crap everyone told you since you were 6). My one thing I regret is going into a major (it’s under Telecommunications, but more like TV/Video) in college that I had no real connections with (not to mention that I went to the wrong school for it). I only had a couple connections in the field through my family, but God forbid they would help me out…they wanted me to earn my spot. Like most people they, along with all my cousins, got their jobs either through their friends or “daddy’s friend.” Needless to say, they really haven’t offered the same help to me….

Not working also really has done a number to my self-esteem and confidence. It really has made me feel horrible that I haven’t gotten work. I just feel like a huge failure and that I will never get work. I know this isn’t true, but this goes through my head all the time. People tell me all the time to keep trying and they believe in me, and I know they mean well. But how many times can you hear that before the words don’t mean much to you. It’s just a frustrating and frightening time in my life. For example, I jot a rebate check for my cell phone for $70, and I planned on using the money for something, but now, I have to use it to pay off my cell phone bill this month. I know I have other bills coming up, and it just adds more stress and pressure to me to get a job. Only problem is that I send out my resume to anyone and everyone, but no one is responding!!!

Well that’s enough crying for one night…planning to add some links to this site of other people’s blogs. Most of the links are of people from the Ron and Fez radio show’s message boards. Some of them have complimented me about this here, and I thought it’d be cool to like their blogs here, just as a way of saying thanks.