I don’t know what it is about weekends, but recently I have had a bad, dark mood on weekends. I think it’s more because I have no money to have fun on weekends, and it just keeps reminding me that last week was another week without a real job, and how I can’t support myself. I sat in my house the entire weekend just thinking about how things are in my life and how no matter what I have tried to do, things don’t seem to work out right. This really makes me a real asshole on weekend, where I can be really confrontational and just mean to people. I tired myself out from worrying/over thinking about myself this weekend Saturday- night I ended up getting almost 11 hours of sleep. I really needed it too, since all week I get up at 6 after only being able to get to sleep at 1-2 AM. I really don’t want to get into too much detail about what’s bothering me, since it’s almost 5 years of pain and disappointment, but it’s just something that really did a number on me and my confidence.
I have so much pressure on myself at this point to get my act together and get on my life, but it seems that the more I do, the more things get worse. My family keeps telling me that I do a lot for them and that I am not a burden on them, but I do feel like a burden, and that really does hurt. I hope that things tomorrow works out well at my interview, I really need this job in the worst possible way. From what I understand, things look good that I may get it. But then again I have no idea about these things anymore considering some of the interviews I have been on seemed to go well, but turned out to not go well. The assignment is for the Unitarian Universalist Congregation on Long Island as an administrative assistant (but most of the work I think is calling up members to arrange their volunteering assignments). It doesn’t sound that bad, and the commute shouldn’t be too bad (they are based in Manhasset, like 20 mins. drive for me).
What else is going on…Penn State won Saturday!!! They beat the hell out of Minnesota and their much-hyped running back. On the other hand, the Metros decided to bend over and take it from the Scum, more or less eliminating themselves form the playoffs. It was pathetic to watch the game on TV, how Metro once again played like they were an amateur team. Today though the G-Men won, showing that they can play football, which is something the Jets can’t say. Toney Stewart almost one the NASCAR race today, but Dale Jarrett had much more momentum and drafted past Stewart in the end to win.
This week looks like it’s going to be a big deal for me personally. I hope that things turn out the way I want them to be, but if they don’t I really won’t be too sad considering that what I want may in the end not be what I want.
That’s all I got now.