happy belated Thanksgiving and how I am doing

by Peter Marus

I got myself in a temp assignment that looks like it could last a while.  It’s working for Adapt media (the people who do the electronic taxi ads).  It’s an admin. Assistant job, so I’m filing, mailing out stuff, answering the phone, and helping out with other people’s projects.  For example I was calling potential candidates for a programming position that they have open and setting up appointments.  I have also been updating all the employee’s contact information and making sure everything is set up for the big conference call this Tuesday.  Monday I am supposed to help out the CEO in getting the report ready for the board meeting/conference call.  I was only given a quick run-through as far as what I was going to be doing, but I’m sure the CEO will tell me in detail Monday what is going to happen.  It doesn’t seem too tough, but I have to see Monday.  As long as I don’t have other things put on me, I shouldn’t have a problem.

I have to say that I am still scared as hell with this assignment.  Temping is a real pain in the ass.  You are put in the middle of everything and only given the most minimal information about everything, yet the people around you expect you to know and understand the inner-workings of the company and their policies.  I’ve only been there a couple days, and I have had to adapt and learn quite a bit, and so far they seem to be OK with my work.  I don’t know exactly how pleased they are with me, but I have been acting real nervous around them and making them almost explain things they want done almost twice  (what I have been doing is after they are done telling me what they want, I would go “so basically, you want me to blah, blah, blah…”) I really don’t care what they think, I am of the mindset that if they don’t tell me I suck, then I must be doing everything at least at an acceptable level.  

The holiday was ok, nothing really major to report, other than one aunt having major computer problems and she was asking me how to fix it (which can get annoying since she ALWAYS does this when I go to her house!).  I told her I’d give her a CD with programs that should help.  My other Aunt asked me to help her with MS Word.  She asked me to go to her house in the near future and show her all the things on it.  She doesn’t know much about the program since she used Lotus for a long time (I didn’t know Lotus was even around!!).  It’s no big deal and I have no problem doing that.  

I haven’t even started my shopping yet for the holidays.  I’m waiting for my next paycheck to even think of doing that.  I’m not expecting to get anyone anything too extravagant.  I really have no idea what I’m getting for anyone yet, and I really don’t’ want anything.  I already got an early gift from my parents in the form of a DVD player.  My dad found one dirt-cheap and he was able to pick it up for me.  It works great and I’m happy now.

I don’t know what it is about the holidays, but I get really depressed.  I see all the children’s specials, and all the kid-related stuff and I get really sad, almost to the point of crying.  I can’t explain why, maybe it’s because I was never a really happy child with my problems and all this kids’ stuff brings up those memories.  I also get like this when I see shows that have dogs or puppies as the central character.  It really brings up real sad memories of my dogs, and the thoughts of when I looked at my dog Stache, it hit me that if I was alone and with him, I could have never have afforded the medical help he needed, and I would have been the cruelest person if I did that.  Maybe these thoughts are related to my kid-related thing as well, that if I had one I couldn’t afford to support it and would cause it pain and sadness.  

This also made me realize that I do not want children, just so I am not put in that position.  It sounds selfish, but I can care less what you think.  I don’t want anyone to feel as bad as I did as a kid with the problems I had, and I don’t want to be in the position my parents were in watching me in all that hell (I have had many conversations with my parents about all that, and how they felt).  I can’t handle getting myself in a position where I’m a fully functioning adult, how would I be able to handle a child, or a dog for that matter.  I also told my parents I don’t really want a dog in this house because of how I feel.  I don’t need to feel all those bad feelings all over again.