the single life-you really want it?

by Peter Marus

Friday was fun, 10 hours of stocking and restocking crap that the day guy ordered.  Only problem is that he ordered everything wrong!!!  So we have way too much of half of the stuff, and not enough of the other stuff for this week…Other than that I can’t complain about work. The reason I am writing this tonight is because I was thinking of a couple things.  First, the Super Bowl is tomorrow, and I’ve been getting myself ready by watching a bunch of it today.  I watched a bunch of futbol today, mostly the English Premier league, especially the Man United Fullham match, where United won 4-2.  After all that, I watched on and off some of the Super Bowl highlights on ESPN Classic.  Tonight, I watched a great football movie, “The Replacements”.  It may be a goofy film, but funny as hell!!

Another thing that I was thinking about is how “the grass in always greener on the other side of the fence”, or whatever the hell is the saying.  The only reason it’s greener on the other side is because it’s well fertilized from all the shit that comes with being on the other side!!!  The reason I’m bring it up is that I hear a lot of people who are in relationships “oh, I wish I was single.”  Or “it must be nice to be single.” I’m here to say that being single sucks!!!  Oh, sure, the freedom and the fact I can spend the money I have on myself is nice, but when you’re don’t with your day, it gets’ lonely without someone there to talk to (by that I mean non-relative or close friend).  As much as I enjoy talking to my close friends and family, I have become desensitized from their talks.  I would welcome an entirely new voice to talk to and get advice from.

Also, you relationship people bitch how your life revolved around the other person.  Well if you were like me if you were single, you bitch you have nothing to do…so be happy your time is occupied and not sitting in a house or room going nuts over boredom.  Look around your place and your car, those who have a chick (or guy, doesn’t matter to me what you got).  You wouldn’t have half that nice stuff if it wasn’t for your other half (if you’re married, I’m sure you have taken advantage of your other’s credit!!).  

And if you think being single means you have all those nice toys? Think again.  If you’re married, the word “HALF’ should just be flashing in front of your eyes whenever the idea of leaving comes up.  And for those who are just living with a chick, first off all the stuff in your place is probably hers so you’re on your ass with a couple of boxes of your clothes, and when it comes to the actual figuring out who gets what, you better have receipts to show who bought otherwise that bitchfest my lead you to having nothing.  I should show you pics of what I got and that should scare you all thinking of blowing up your relationships and trying the single life again.  And if I wasn’t single and had the stuff I had now, she could take it all!!!  Best thing to watch to get the point is Eddie Murphy’s bit on this in “Eddie Murphy: Raw” (I cry everytime I watch it-thinking of how good he was there and the pathetic sellout he has become).

Now if you are still thinking of acting like it’s the single life and want to cheat won your other half…remember, screwing around with other people is like juggling.  Sure it may be all fun and games at first, but eventually that all fall down and it’s your stupidity that does it.   Plus if you are thinking of going outside the box of the relationship you are in, whatever bad happens to you is something you deserve.

But despite all the fun being single is, I would like to not be.  I’m putting myself out there for the ladies out there  (AND ONLY LADIES- I’m cool with the gay community, but I am straight).  I am not a picky man, but I do have some preferences for myself.  So if you’re a single lady (or desperate I can accommodate) I take on all comers if you fit this criteria

-No overly fat chicks, but no skinny chicks.  Skinny chicks I hate because I feel like they are too brittle and I’d probably break them. I prefer a little chunk on a chick but not like a slob.
-She needs to put up with soccer games, my model cars hobby, and all the other things I’m into and she can’t try to get me out of all the things I enjoy.  I come as I am, and I DON’T want to be changed.  I can accommodate for some things, but that’s as far as I go.
-She has to enjoy some real unique comedy, and not be offended by a lot of things.  I cant’ stand chicks that cant’ laugh or thinks she’s better than me or my friend’s idea of what’s funny
-She has to be happy to just hang out at home on some nights as much as going out.

So now that I have eliminated just about all of the ladies out there, I will take me leave.  I hope to have my take on Valentines Day up here sometimes soon.