This entry was inspired by something that happened today. I got a message form someone that I apparently irritated. After reading it, I started to think what led to that reaction. I think I figured out what exactly did it, and its is related to what I think are my two biggest flaws, and also the two biggest reason people like me or think I’m a complete asshole!
See, I have this problem of wanting to know everything at once. It’s like if there’s something I need to know, I NEED TO KNOW!!!! I have the problem of keep asking about things I need to know, and sometimes it can get really annoying. I just have this thing that if I don’t’ know I feel as if I’m losing out on something. I tend to keep emailing and calling people until I get an answer. This stems from my father, who was notorious for being this way. He was the type where he’d call the house at least a couple times a day just to make sure things are ok and find out what’s going on. He’s also the type that would be PISSED if I didn’t check in with him if I was going to be late, or if my mom was going to be late from being out. It would drive him nuts. I find myself almost doing the same thing, but it’s with my emails. I’ll check my emails on my phone at least 5 times at work. It’s insane I know, but I cant’ help it.
What happened today was I was I believe sending messages to this person everyday about this weekend, and it was too much. I realize that it was stupid now to be so impatient, but then I thought I was doing the right thing. What doesn’t help this habit is that I’ve always had jobs where this type of attitude/behavior was rewarded. I was always on top of things and checking in with people. Even now at my job I have to be constantly on top of calls/follow-ups to make sure things are done right. On top of all this is my perfectionist attitude and my need to do things myself otherwise if it’s done by someone else it’s crap!!
What’s good for the corporate world isn’t good for the real world, now I see why. I think this is also the BIG thing that has driven a lot of people away form me, thinking I was “to much” at once. I really want to fix this, but I have no clue how to do it. I really need help with this one!!!
My other biggest problem is that I think with my heart and not with my brain sometimes. This I think is the Italian in me. I am just a passionate person and if I believe in something or someone, I want to do all I can to make it right. This also can lead to the “too much” situation and sometimes feeds that need to know everything (so I’m sure everything is right). It also has led in the past to me being too intense and doing stupid things. Again I have no clue how to fix this and I really want to change this as well.
Part of me also says I shouldn’t fix this at all, and those who do like and care for me will accept me for all I am, and be able to accept these things as well. But on the other hand, sometimes this isn’t the best way to live, and I could be missing out on things that could be driven away from my “problems” I just described.
To the person that inspired this: Thank you for pointing all this out, and I hope that maybe you can help me solve these problems, or at least you see where I’m coming from now.