by Peter Marus

If you want to see a great documentary, get “Tyson.”  I got it from Netflix and it’s an amazing piece of work.  Tyson is an interesting character, and after watching it, you’ll actually feel somewhat sad and pity for the man.  He goes into a lot of detail about his life, how all the events in his life have affected him, and where he is mentally now.  It’s really fascinating to see Tyson open up and show all this emotion about his life.  The way he talks about Robin Givens, the rape he went to jail over, and the fights against Holyfield and Lewis made me go onto his side of the story-there is a lot of honesty you can feel with what and how he talks about these subjects. I really recommend the documentary.  At the very least, you’ll get to hear Tyson yell to a reporter at a press conference “I’ll fuck you ‘till you love me, bitch!!”


I”m still playing “Shadow Complex”, when I do have time at night to play video games.  It reminds me of Metroid a lot, where you have to back track through parts of the game with better gear to get through them.  It’s a real enjoyable game that I plan on going through again and again.  All I hope is that the dude you play doesn’t reveal himself as a chick like how Metroid ended.  that would be creepy.  


So the past week or so I’ve been in a weird mindset.  Since my birthday, and my Aunt’s death, my mortality has been on my mind.  I just turned 31-which is about half my dad’s age-and I am realizing that a lot of my life is going down the same path.  Also seeing my aunts and uncles last Sunday made me see that those who are around me may not be around much longer, and that really hit me.  I was realizing that some of my choices in the past may have been wrong, and that some that aren’t in my life (and some from time to time I wish was still in my life) would probably still be if I took a different path, but at the same time I have to remind myself that I am here, now, in the present.  I have to look ahead of me as well as where I am now, and make the best choices I can make for myself.  


So this week I started to walk at night on an old treadmill in my basement.  I”m trying to lose weight, and get my cardio system into better shape. I am trying to get my shit together financially with a budget and trying to stay with it.  I am trying to get myself better in the mindset I have, and just make me more of how I should be.  I have some things I have to try to improve, one of which is confidence in first talking to someone.


I have an example of what I need to improve.  Today on the train platform goin got work, I was standing there and this woman just appeared next to me.  She wasn’t the most beautiful woman in the world-about a 6-but she was allright.  She was oddly close to me on a platform that was pretty empty, but I was like whatever.  So the comes and we sit across from each other.  I see her glance my way, and I do the same, but nothing really more than that.  This went on a bit, while both of us read our papers.  We get to Grand Central, which I must say is along trip form my stop, and we both get off and goes our ways.  From the time I got off the train to when I get to the other train I take,  I kept thinking :

“There was a seat next to her, I should have taken that.”  

“Where were my balls to just start up a conversation, but what the hell would I have said to her to break the ice?” 

Yeah, I though like a high school bitch, so what?  Like I said I need to work on that.  Not just with the ladies, but with everyone.   

Finally I wanted to just say one thing, something I am learning to follow and it’s a truth in life:

“This life is too short to always be the “nice” person.  It’s ok and a necessity to be a complete asshole sometimes.”