Snow, Career-where I am and where I wish I was, High School "memories", catharsis

by Peter Marus

So I'm still alive after this massive snowstorm….I can give a shit about snow, it's just there.  The good news is today I had today off.  I cringe with bad weather since that means morons who shouldn't have a car let alone drive will have accidents and I'll have to deal with them.  The bad news is today I gradually lost Television.  this afternoon I lost HD channels, but the SD channels still worked, then after dinner I lost all reception.  I will say that the reception I do have now still is better than anything that shitty Time Warner Cable service ever gave me.  


During the day I was shoveling a ton of snow, which replaced the workout I would have gotten today anyway, played some "Batman Arkham Asylum" which is an awesome game that should be played in surround sound to get the full experience.  I also got a chance to go through the "Top Gear" episodes on my DVR.  If you haven't at least checked out the show, do so.  It's sort of for gearheads, but it's a show everyone will find entertaining.  DVR it or look on BBC America's site.  Trust me it's worth it.


When I had some downtime, I thought about a couple things that have been mulling over in my head.  I thought about how I wish I could spend the entire day writing stuff for the net, either on news articles, opinions on subjects, and just whatever.  It would be a blast to get up, check various news sites and just type out a couple articles on them and get paid off of site visits/ads.  People in the past said I wasted my time not going into journalism/writing, and recently I agree with them chasing a dumb dream at a time where that dream was evolving and mutating into something I was ill-prepared for.  


In all honesty I know I would make an excellent writer.  I think I could parlay whatever subject there is and not only report the facts on it, but if I need to point out all the bullshit of the subject.  Read my entry a week or so ago and see how I would run media, and that's how I would handle and conduct myself in that fashion.  Unfortunately there are scumbags like the intern at who would solicit free gear from others in order for him to write about them favorably.  Luckily the editors of the site did fire the scumbag who did that,  Yeah he's a kid and is new to the business, but at the same time it should have been OBVIOUS you don't work for a major media entity and ask for bribes in order for you to write positively about someone.


So I sit here and am thinking of what could have been.  Technology, media and society are things that truly interest me, and I can't get enough of reading about it.  Part of me wants to at least look into seeing if I can break into the business, but there is a part do me that says it's too late for me and "Even if you do make headway into it, you won't make any money to make it your job."  Who knows.  I do feel I have more to offer to this world than just be a claims examiner.  


Also, I found a container that holds the plate and screws that held my ankle together at one point, and that led me to think about some bullshit I had to deal with the other week.  I learned from that the people you knew/friends form high school should be left there.  I noticed that most people who keep their primary friends the same people they had from high school usually don't grow much as people.  These are the groups of people who either all go to the same college together, or at least not move far for school in order to still hang out.  To me, this is an almost incestuous situation.  Not in the "this is what happens when cousin's bang, the kid has flipper" type. I'm talking about the way there's nothing really "new" entered into the situation, and the current situation is mutated into something odd.


See, unlike 95% of the students in my high school graduating class, I had the balls to leave the NYC area for school. I wasn't like most of the pansies who were afraid of leaving the area, and settled to going to school in city or region.  That alone makes me better than most of them.  I thought it was a cool thing, and I still do despite the fact most I went to High School with actually held it against me.  


Another thing I noticed with the incestuous group is that they always recall their times in High School and how they were the best times of their lives.  That's pathetic to me, probably due to the fact that my high school experience sucked a dick.  All four years I had some fucking problem.  Two of the four years had this schedule every day:


7a-3p school

3:30p-5p Physical therapy for my ankle if it wasn't in a cast

rest of afternoon and night, home


When this wasn't the schedule, I was hopping around on crutches.  Some always pointed out I never hung out with them outside of school.  what these fucking dolts seem to not remember was I was a gimp most of high school, and I couldn't ask my parents to drive me around in the afternoon/night.  My parents worked their asses off to make sure my sister and I could go to school.  My dad alone left the house early in the morning, and didn't get home until at least 7 at night.  The last thing he would have wanted to do was drive my ass around Queens.    Plus i couldn't in good conscience ask him to.  And people with casts don't do well on trains and buses.  But again I had that held against me, as it was my fault and I didn't hang out on purpose.


But hey, fuck them, they wanted to take things personal after a little ball busting.  I have no time for insecure douchebags from the past.  In the end I turned out a hell of a lot better than them as a person.  I learned more about life having the balls to not settle with just going to a college around here.  I wanted to grow as a person, and if it meant not associating with those form high school anymore so be it.  they are not anyone worth my time anyway, and this is the last time i'll discuss this part of my past.