Remember I said a while ago that when a job starts to run your life and your life revolves around it you should start looking elsewhere for employment? Yeah, that's pretty much where I am now. It'd be different if I had a passion for this job, that's a totally different situation. I'm going to have to start looking elsewhere for employment. I came to this conclusion after last week, and that this entire weekend I was thinking about my job. Not the whole weekend actually, but a good part of it. I left work Friday, and I couldn't "calm down" after work for most of the evening. This isn't healthy and it's getting to the point where i'm done. SOme of the reasons I am done are:
-I worked my ass off the entire week and feel like I didn't get a goddamn thing done, in factI may have gone backwards
-I am sick of having to work in essence three desks, and also helping those who don't have nearly as much work but can't cut it.
-I am sick of having my balls broken at this job by either my supervisor, claimants, or medical providers over things I have no control over and things that they think I didn't "do enough" on something.
-I am tired of trying to give a shit about people who may or may not be trying to treat me like a mark.
-I am sick of working extra hours beyond what I should and feel like I haven't accomplished anything, and not doing it for extra cash but because of the sheer volume of work coming in
-I have all this extra work because my company won't hire extra help and rather pocket the money for themselves. They put out an insulting memo talking about "oh, the economic recession, blah blah blah…be happy you got a job, blah blah blah…if we do deem you worthy of a raise, it's going to be a raise that is less than the rate of inflation, so you see no raise at all (not what it said, out they said raises if given out would be at about 1-3%, if that)."
Then one paragraph in it was a mind-control attempt like "we are a family, we will stay with the company for along career, we will work hard for the benefit of the company…" which is bullshit, since we all know when shit hits the fan, we all scurry like cockroaches to make sure we don't get hit by the shit. This week should be interesting, and i'm sure i'll have some sort of chat with my supervisor about things at some point.
So now I'm going to take a look around, and see if there is anything out there that interests me. That's the thing that's bothering me: i don't' know what I want to do. I know I don't want to do no-fault PIP auto insurance anymore-honestly the only reason I took this job is because they were the only one who offered my a job. I got to find something that lights the passion in me, something that if I am doing a ton of work it's not "work" to me. Or I should get a job that's pretty easy and I can see the results of the work I am doing. Anyway, the bottom line is that I have no passion for whereI am now, and I need to change the situation. First thing I should do is clean up the resume on my site, and see what else I can do with it. BTW anyone can think of a job I can do an /or have a position, contact me.
On top of it, I've been doing thinking about soccer, and I may have to start drinking the Kool-aid, or Red Bull, more, and stop acting like i'm above others still clinging onto the old team's name. Now it s getting to be childish name calling by internet "tough guys" (AKA a bunch of fucking pussies), and pissing contests on the internet forums that are supposed to be for things more than that. I'm just tired of all that and con't care. So maybe I'll not throw away any Red Bull gear when i get it, and just live with the reality of the team.
Fucked up part of all this? I should be proud and happy tht I lost weight lately. Not a lot, but some.