Is this the end??? Is it Over? Should I turn out the lights?

by Peter Marus

Last weekend was the second Red Bull home game I missed, and to tell you the truth, it didn't phase me at all.  That really got me thinking: has the passion died?  I spent the past couple days thinking about it and It may have.   I don't look at any soccer news sites anymore, I really don't pay attention to soccer news in general on my RSS or Twitter feeds, and I just don't "get up" when I think about the team anymore.  I find myself putting a lot of things ahead of any soccer-related activity.  It's an odd feeling, and I honestly don't know how to feel.  Is this the moment another "phase" in my life over?  I've been a supporter of this team since 2000, and a fan since it's inception.  That's a long time, and I think I am burnt out of the whole "supporter" culture.  This past season really has left a bad tase in my mouth as far as being a supporter.  I thought the change of scenery and "across the aisle" would help, which it did for a bit, but in the end it seemed like "same shit, different day" thing.  I respect both organizations, though some in leadership roles are ones who I can do without.  I tried the "retirement community" thing, and it felt different, but not better.  

 

So I still sit here trying to figure out what's going on.  This has been a large part of my life, and I would be lying if I said that I wouldn't miss it.  I met many, many good people though this time, but it's the assholes and cunts with their passive-agressive, fear of confrontation, cowardice that sabotaged and flat-out stole some of my ideas that have ruined the experience the past couple years.  On top of it are issues I have with some of the "new-school" members.  Seeing that no one will listen or give a shit about things, despite the smoke being blown up my ass about how "change is 'acomin", maybe I should just say "fuck them all" and just leave.  It's not a cut-and-dry choice, as again I met may good people I talk to now.  

 

THe good thing is that whatever void not going to a game will leave will be filled by something else.  I will try Brazilian Jiu Jitsu this week, one way or another.  I've put it off long enough and I figure it should be now or never.  I also have other things/people who will keep me occupied.  Still, the sport of soccer has given me a lot.  I learned a lot of things about life, going to games has helped me though some tough shit, made me forget about the situations I was in at times, and gave me a point to go out on weekends.  It's so confusing and difficult to put all of what I am feeling into words, and even harder to figure this all out in my head.

 

I miss the old days, I miss my "People", I miss all the good times I have memories of.  That will NEVER come back, and I will never get that feeling again given the situation there is in he entire supporter's climate now. I don't know what the fuck to do!!!  Ironic part of the whole thing?? The team is finally fucking winning!!