what, me worry?

by Peter Marus

Funny thing happened today. I got two requests from People on Linkedin. I haven't used that site for a couple months, after I set up my profile. I didn't really use it since I got tied up with other things. Seeing the site again, I thought I should start anew with my job hunt. I honestly had to stop it since I had no time at work to use for interviews.

Thing is I'm still drawing a blank as to what and where I want to go and do. I sure as hell don't want to stay where I am. Each day I am there, I lose respect for those around me and I care less and less about the quality of my work. I've hit a wall at work, and now I have no respect for the person with the title of supervisor. He doesn't lead me or my group, he's just a puppet for management and a little bitch who ducks me when I try to get a straight answer for any of the many problems in my department. Seeing the shoddy leadership, at this point I don't care if all my work gets done or not.

So now I have to figure out my next step. One of the steps I have been taking is get my head right. I've been taking steps to try to curb my constant worrying. I've been reading a book about worrying and how to stop having it run my life. I've accepted what happened in the past and what will happen in the future are things I can't control. So that means I should focus my energy on the present. I also learned to accept what happens and go from there. So far it had helped me feel calm. Now I have to try to apply that to BJJ, and help keep me calm when I roll. I still over-think and worry about a million things I am doing, I find myself mounted and tapping out soon after that.

My next steps are what I am figuring out. Obviously I need an idea about what to look for. I may like to stay in the field I am working in now. Despite the fact the people suck, I like working with arb/lit. I may try to contact some law firms and see if I can get a gig through there. On the other hand I may look in another field altogether. I may use my security guard certification and try security work. It would be a pay cut, but it could be a satisfying job.

Some have also said maybe I should try to do more writing related jobs. Some say I have a knack for it. I do need to try to get a better portfolio of work, maybe more focused on a single subject. I have thought of blogging about my experiences in bjj. I'd write about what my mental thoughts after a class and just what I learned from class and training. Not just about the lessons I learned for bjj, but what I learned and can apply to life outside of class. I can talk about my journey from a rank beginner to...something better.

Worse case scenario, if I lose my job, I could find a way into a school and learn something like a trade or something. I almost did that after high school, but went to Penn State instead. Only way I can do school is if I'm unemployed-I got no time to go to school as it is.

There are a ton of things to work through, and it's a long road I am on when it comes to a lot of aspects of my life, but hey....i'm not worried.