by Peter Marus

I've been lacking in the postings here lately, but life got in the way. This past weekend was Easter, and along with that I watched the mini series on the History Channel "The Bible." If you haven't seen it, I suggest you watch it. It was done well in my opinion. After seeing it I started to think about my faith and the faith people have in me.

I have not been the best Catholic. Sometimes I think because of that I am being punished for that. I personally do believe in God and a good part of what the Catholic Church teaches. Many of it I feel was made up by man in the "name of God" to deceive and control the ones who depend on them to fulfill their lives. That's about as much as I will say about that.

What I want to write about is how, like many who had faith in God and Jesus, we all have people who put their faith and have it in us. Family, friends, and others believe in us and what we do. I know I have that, but like I'm sure many deep down feel, I don't have the same amount in myself. Over the last week or so this has manifested in a way to make me see this.

About two weeks ago, I was promoted to blue belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. It was a cool feeling and I felt I accomplished something. My instructor and those I trained with believe I was at the level to earn it. My mind since then has been questioning myself if I feel worthy of it, and that showed in my training recently. Many who I train with have been telling me to get out of my head and keep doing what I was doing before promotion. My instructor is always saying to us to "Believe in your Jiu Jitsu, believe in your game.". This past week I haven't, and it showed. Lesson learned.

I shouldn't just believe in my Jiu Jitsu game, but I should believe in myself and my life game. I have to start doing that. I have many family and friends who believe in me, and I believe in them and what they do. I have to switch up my thinking and stop worrying about letting them down, but to let their belief in me and my belief in them hold me up when I fail and help lift me to where I should, and even deserve to, be. I don't like seeing others disappointed in me, so I sometimes lack faith I'm doing the right thing. I need to fix that, and even ask others to help with that.

And to whoever reads this, I hope I inspire you to look at yourself and see how strong your belief and faith is in yourself, in others, and how much others have in you.