I really don't like this season. As happy as it should be it reminds me of the end. It's the end of the year, but this part of the year it has been the end of a lot of relationships I've had. In the months of November and December over the years, I lost my father, two uncles, an Aunt and a cousin when I was young. I honestly may have lost others but I honestly don't remember. Death sometimes can be a blur. It has changed how I look at the holidays. The materialistic bullshit part annoys me to no end. It's already started and it's barely past Halloween. What happened to the gradual move through the holidays? Now stores, in their insane greed, piss on the holidays in the name of cheap publicity like when a they force their workers to choose their job or family, and pathetic profits. As nice as some stores choose not to partake in the Black Friday insanity, it's still a shitty cheap ploy for publicity. This year, like last year I am around the retail industry and I'll get to see firsthand how fucked up the quest is for the almighty dollar. Seeing what the schedule looks like means more money for me via overtime, but it's more time at a job where I'd rather than spending time with my personal time. It sucks and even the payoff is debatable if it's worth the time.
Given the past months, it's made me think the next few holidays are going to be special given the fragility of many of my family members. I am going to enjoy them and make them the best years for them, but I can't shake the idea of thinking what happens when they aren't here. I shouldn't think like this but I'm human and this is something to keep in mind. Trying to stay positive is a challenge.