Waiting for the dominos to fall

by Peter Marus

I am a man who wears a lot of hats these days, some quite frankly I do not want.  I do because I have to and that's just what I do.  I look at my life now, and I am serving everyone else but myself.  I also look at the solutions and they are all predicated on one or two moves that have to happen but those are out of my control.  It's a frustrating feeling.  I also honestly think what I am doing isn't appreciated by those it helps.   

I am at my job right now and I really can't move to another because the schedule lets me help out my mom one weekday a week with her appointments.  If I am not available, it makes it extremely hard and expensive for her to be transported to and from her appointments.  It's one of those things where the dominos are all set up, and one thing needs to push the first one for the others to fall and thing would be right.  But I know that there will be other complications.  The whole situation has me having my life revolve around her needs, which hinders a lot of my life (relationships, personal interests, overall growth, etc.) and it bothers me a lot.  My job already has put stress on these thing, but this situation I feel has made some of it worse. 

I know, boo hoo grow up, but at the same time it's not how one should live.  Its changed me not for the better.  What doesn't help is that pretty much all aspects I now have to walk on eggshells because of how hyper sensitive people are, and God forbid someone's feelings gets hurt and don't feel special.  That complicates my situations even more so I have to "play nice".  I HATE doing having to almost enable people's stupidity and laziness so they can be happy in their ignorance, at my expense.  

Whatever the Hell that's out of my control better get done soon.  I can't afford, money wise and personally, to live and fee like this.