by Peter Marus

Wow another entry today. I must have a lot on my mind.

Well, first wanted to say that I”m still trying to figure out what to do as far as a small web site. I have the idea, just have to sit down and start to do it. I should start to do that this week, but seeing what is going to be happen the next seven days my mind may be needed elsewhere. I could have done something yesterday, but that yesterday was mostly cleaning. I chose to finally go through most of my crap and get rid os some of the stuff I don’t need. In the end I think I have about 5-6 garbage bags of stuff and some room now. On top of that, I did a ton of my laundry as well as cooked dinner last night. I did all that partly because it had to be done-well the dinner part was because I wanted to use my “Big City Slider Maker”, but also I needed to distract my mind.

See, I have a bad habit of if I am left alone for a long period of time, my mind starts to think and think and think to the point where I am almost batshit crazy. Sometimes it is a good thing to do-it sorta led to me deciding to consolidate things and try to simplify things in my life along with other things I’ve done that has bettered my life. This weekend had me thinking about how I seem to more and more sliding into a “shut-in” state. I figure that since I am not going out to a lot of things that I am invited to (though to sort of defend that part, a lot of what I am invited to are during the week at night, and I usually am too burnt out from work and/or just want to go home to get some stuff done).  I look at myself and I am not really making contact with a lot of my friends as much as I used to outside of the occasional email saying what's up.  Yeah I should try more and all that, but most of my friend have other things to do, wither with their wives/chicks, and some with their jobs and whatever they are trying to accomplish.  

Part of me sorta likes the whole being alone thing-its a simple way to live and it's peaceful.  But on the other hand, you even told me humans naturally need social interaction.   So part of me wants that.

I guess also part of the problem is what someone once told me.  I tend to be too harsh with people, in that I can't accept people who "let me down" in some form.  See, I look at it this way: life is harsh, and I have had a lot of things done/said to me that have been harsh-especially after I put my trust in them.  I am jaded by this and whoever comes into my life-either girl, boss, or anyone-I tend to be me, which apparently is real tough with at first.  This is first to "thin out the heard" of people, since I rather have 5 people who get me than 10 who don't.  Also  I believe this helps prove the other person's intentions.  If they can stand me and how I really, honestly am, then they do want to be around and me around.  If they can't then it's probably best that they don't be around.  Does that make sense at all?

I guess maybe I am getting frustrated with, although it is true more will be in the latter column than the first, I keep finding those in that latter list, and I am slowly regressing into this state of staying in my house more.  But on the bright side this may change now that the soccer season is upon me and I will get out more on Sat nights, although it still disturbs me that I am starting to not only look forward to going to Jersey, but the toilet part of it.  Maybe things will change then.

But also this could be simply my mind out of control. Someone told me once that people like me do tend to let their minds go out of control and think just utter nonsense which can hurt me in the end. I don’t know what it is, just when I have my feelings about people or situations, I am usually right. Sorta sucks about the things I am thinking about now, but they are more than likely right.

One side note that was positive this weekend. I decided to download Korn’s “See You On the Other Side” and “Unplugged” albums. Those in the know why I haven’t until now and how and why both affected me in the way it did. Anyway I chose to try to at least and see what would happen. I actually put the albums on my old Ipod in case one of the reactions included launching the player across the room or into a brick wall, and I didn’t want to do that to my Iphone. Turned out it was ok. Both Albums are good, and I am liking more and more the direction the band is going. Those this doesn’t mean much to dont’ worry about it, those who know can take it as a real positive step.