by Peter Marus

I don't know what's going on, but tonight I've been really down. Not mush of a shock huh? This weekend was pretty cool overall, but just in the end it was a downer. Last night I hung around the house and watched the Red Bull lose again. Thing is that they do not suck altogether. Defensively they can holdup well, just they let one slip up (usually around 40 mins. into a half), and their impotent offense can't overcome that one mistake. It is quite frustrating, but can't say the entire team is bad. This is one of those teams that although the team is bad, if they can keep the hard working player together and fix the negatives, this could be a strong team in a year or two. But knowing this team they'll blow it all up and start over-much like every season before. On the bright side I had alcohol around and it made the night bearable.

Sunday started with a trip to my father's gravesite. I went with my mom and sister ad we put flowers on the site for a belated Father's day and flowers for my aunt who also is buried at the site. We stayed there for a bit, saying our little prayers and making sure it's cleaned up around it. I felt bad I couldn't make it up there for Father's day, but due to the weather in the morning last weekend I couldn't make it up to the site as well as my grandfather's site. In the afternoon I went to Brooklyn to spend some time at a couple festivals and hang out with someone, and as great as it was to do, I felt bad after it because I wasn't "on". When i hang out with anyone I feel like I should be, since they are taking time to hang out, I don't want to feel like I am wasting their time. It could all be in my head, but still I hate feeling like I wasted someone's time, that's just me.

I didn't get to see a lot of the Brazil-US game during the day, but I watched a recording of it and I wasn't sad about the loss. I wasn't sad, but frustrated with the US team. This frustration happens a lot. The US team doesn't realize how good they are. The first half they looked confident, playing to win. That first half is how the team should play EVERY GODDAMN GAME!!! I was lucky to see this side of the team in person when I went to Ohio to watch the WCQ against Mexico. The US went up 2-0 against Brazil, and looked like they had them on the ropes. Then came halftime, where in that 15 minutes that mentality went away and the other mentality the US is notorious to have. The second half was the US playing scared and playing not to lose. What happened when they did this? they give up three goals and lose a game the SHOULD have won. This side of the US team is what drives me batshit crazy.

Typical US society, everyone is now taking it as "well, at least they made the final." "We should be proud they played so well against the best in the world." etc. ESPN was sugar-coating the fact that the US lost the game themselves. Looking for positives in a loss is so counterproductive-it doesn't help improve the team's negatives but may reinforce them and make them even harder to fix. But hey, this is how most Americans want to live, and that is what has been one of the things that has led this country into the toilet.

Anyway, Since my trip to Brooklyn-which is a cool place, I been at home just moping around and feeling like shit. I decided to write this, and I got a surprise message from someone I haven't talked to in months, with news that was quite unexpected. My first reaction of the news was: "good, got what you deserve. hope it leads to a slow and painful hell the rest of your life." Fucked up thought, but honestly that's what I thought. Still unfortunate but that's life.

Anyway it's Sunday, so these ramblings are common since I hate Sunday nights for events that happened on one Sunday night. Oh, since I am now an ordained minister, I figure these aren't inane ramblings, but my sermons I am preaching.