Ok I had plans to write something here about love and relationships, but first I wanted to talk about the weekend of absolute stupidity I experienced. Saturday night I ordered the UFC PPV. The Main Event was Rashad Evans vs. Lyoto Machida. That was good enough for me to get this PPV regardless. But the second featured fight was the grudge match between Matt Hughes and Matt Serra. Serra is so Long Island, even his nickname has an accent. Anyway I was rooting for Serra, partly because he was a New Yorker, but also he's really likable and will knock any pompous ass down a notch verbally (like he did with Hughes, which led to this fight). Long story short, Hughes is really stuck up and a bully and thinks because he was trained by the great Pat Millitich, that makes him one step above everyone else (all fighters who have came from Millitich's camp are like this, BTW). Serra was the only one who has turned around and challenged Hughes on this. This all led to a long time of heated words between them. Finally, Saturday was the night it's all settled.
So the fight went on, where Hughes showed how scared he was of Serra by getting him on the ground and just sat on him the whole fight. He acted like he was trying to hurt Serra, but it as so ineffective, Serra sat under him with that look on his face like "This fucking guy!!! he's doing nothing" and at one point was laughing on camera. Anytime this wasn't happening, Serra was housing Hughes with punches and Jiu Jitsu where he almost caught Hughes in a few submissions. After the fight it went to the cards, and obviously since Hughes was the "bigger name" and fought like a bitch, he won the decision. The Man fought like a bitch and stole a victory. If he's a man, he'll give Serra a rematch and take his ass-whooping.
So Sunday, apparently one of the judges of the fight needed money, so he did the RBNY-Chicago game at Giants Stadium. I say that because the ref's consistency matched the one of the fight judges. Phantom calls, missed calls, you named it, the ref screwed it up. In the end, the Fire snuck in a goal and ran out of town a winner. So that was my weekend, nothing but bullshit calls and heartbreak.
Ok now to what I wanted to write about. I received the best advice about love and relationships recently from someone. Now, I will explain what he meant after I give you the exact quote: "Treat your wife like your girlfriend, and if you're not married treat your girlfriend like a whore." Now, I know this sounds a little unorthodox, and I asked the obvious question-"So if I give my girlfriend money and she doesn't pay me, I can slap her around like a pimp?" After a scolding look form this individual, he went on to explain things.
See, he said that when you give a woman a higher "title" in your rank of the people in life, they will get comfortable with you and then try to control you because of said title. If you don't acknowledge the title, and treat her at just a step below, then that sense of entitlement isn't there and that means less conflict and power struggles. He said instead of referring you your wife as your "wife", is "my girl", "My chick", or something other than wife. Granted she is your wife and all, but don't treat her any more than you did when you were going out. I"m not saying treating her like garbage, just treat her the best you can, but don't submit to her totally and give her that sense of entitlement from being your "wife"
Another point is that he made is that you should never sit there and feel afraid of leaving someone. I know you grow attach to people and all that, hell the ENTIRE music industry today is based on whiney bitches singing about this subject, but at the same time when you show that type of attachment, the other person will pick up on it and use it to their advantage (sorta like the last paragraph). Yeah it hurts losing people, but the best way to know when or if you should leave the person is to simply look yourself in the mirror and in the eye, and ask yourself if what you are in now is healthy and really worth all the consequences that can/will come if you stay. its a hard thing to do, but when you do the answer is crystal clear-you can NEVER lie to yourself.
I know a lot out there that read this see this as an anti-woman rant, or I'm angry at women. First off I am not Angry-that was proven in an entry a while ago. Second. I have come to the point in my life where I will never let someone else control my life. I"m not taking about having someone take control or argue over control over the little things, thats' psychotic and takes too much energy. I'm talking about changing your life and who you are because that is needed to be with them. Where you have to change your entire self and ideals of what you want because you feel this person is what you need in your life. I've been there several times with women, and I've learned that the bullshit to get what they are done is not worth the bad things that will come along like almost losing those and things you do care about.
I admit, I do feel my life is incomplete now, I don't have any significant other in my life and I feel that is a gap and a part of me missing. A couple times I thought I found someone who could fill that void perfectly, but I am glad that I had them ripped away since although they fit into my life perfectly, they were really cancerous, slowly destroying me and taking me to some dark and dangerous places I hope to never go to again. I'm sure some who read that last sentence knows what I am talking about and I hope they didn't get any shivers from the thought of those times-I owe them a TON for helping me not go any further. But this void doesn't mean I feel desperate to have it filled-if I don't ever have it filled, so be it. That's just the way it's supposed to be.
Ok, I hope to summarize what I just wrote since I did put a lot out there. All this guy was saying was that in order to be happy, neither person can feel entitled to anything from the title they are given in the relationship. Just treat the person how you feel they should be treated, not how a title they have should dictate you how to treat them. Also the only people one should just turn their lives upside down completely is for their ailing parents and their own children, no one else is worth it and quite frankly worthy of that.
Besides, the comedian Patrice Oneal had a great summary about relationships-"A happy man is a happy relationship."