I want to talk about hope, and how irrelevant the idea of it is now in my life. hope to me is nothing more than just one wishing for an outcome they have little to no control over. So in essence hope is nothing more than wishing for luck to fall their way. I used to have hope like everyone else. I hoped for a lot of things in my life, some came through, some didn't. Hope for me died several times in the past only to come back for me. It first died when my father suddenly died, and I realized all the hope and prayers i did would get me nowhere. It came back late february when someone came into my life and for the first time in months made me feel like I was someone that mattered, and that the possibility of happiness in this world was possible. That hope was dashed when thing ended, and i was a complete mess.
That lasted for a while, but the hope of finding some happiness slowly came back to me, but in that real pathetic way-desperation of wishing something better is coming. last August hope came back into my life, as well as someone I wanted back at the time. The hope lasted for months, and consumed me to a point where desperation to achieve what my hopes put in my head-vivid dreams of what I wanted life in the future to be in the way of what I wanted my family to look like, shut out any rational thought. Well in Mid December in one 15 min phone call, all that crashed and any hope I had died.
Today, i have no hope or wishes for my life beyond just keep on keeping on. I don't sit here wishing for all these things. If I am to have certain things, it will find it's way in my life at this point. Sounds like a shitty way to think/live, but at least I know how things are, and know that now things are what they are supposed to be.
Now onto more links to put smiles on your faces, after reading that dogshit I just wrote.