by Peter Marus

Friday was one of the most surreal moments of my life.

Friday i got to do my first wedding. I did the wedding of two friends of mine. I was nervous moreso because I just didn't want this wonderful moment. Luckily, most of the people attending this thing were really goofing around to help lower the tension, as well as still shocked that not only these two are getting married but they were getting married by ME!!!! It got to the point where I had to show all the credentials. So the ceremony went off in the oven of my friends living room (20 people in one room....not good), then we took pictures outside of the house, and then went to dinner. Had a nice dinner, then went back to the couple's house, got all the paper work, and left. Today i looked it all over, filled out the second envelope I was given (one envelope had the city clerk's office's address, the other one was blank with the clerk's address in the return address area). I filled out the second envelope with the address EXACTLY as it was on the license, stuffed it and the license into the envelope, put postage on both, and sent it on its way today. As far as I know, I did everything I had to do. I am a little nervous about it going right, just because it's the first time I'm doing this and it's two friends.

Now I've been on a high since the wedding, since it made me feel good making them happy. Even the fact that the shithole called the Meadowlands and their fucked setup didn't bother me. Today was Father's day, happy day to all the father's out there. I didnt' get to do what I wanted to do this morning mostly since the weather wasn't too good, but I'm going to my father's and grandfather's grave sites next weekend. I spent the afternoon with family, and was glad to see my cousin on this day since it's his first as a father.

After the family thing, I came home and felt down. I know I"m a grown man and should be totally independent and be living my life, but in the end I miss my dad. I've written a ton about him in the past and I won't bore you with it again, but I miss the guy. He was the man in the family and did all he could do for them. I try to live my life like that, and despite some things i have done he wouldn't be cool with, I hope I can at least get close to that standard he set, as well as the standard my grandfather set before him. I miss a lot of people who are no longer in my life. Some aren't in my life because they can't be anymore, some aren't because etiher I won't allow them in my life anymore or vice versa, yet all of them I haven't been able to fill the void they left. My dad is at the top of the list.

Sorry for the downer end to this, but just wanted to get that out.