by Peter Marus

I don’t know if it’s the heat, the pressure I am under to do better (I’m 26, have no career, and living at home for Christ’s sakes!!), or what but I have really been at a point where I’ve almost freaked out on little things lately. I owe people so much, not just financially, but a lot of things. I feel so much pressure to do right by them. Last night I sat up most of the night thinking about the past. I know I shouldn’t since I can’t change it, but I can’t help it to think about all the failures in my past and think about how it’s my fault for all of it. Why have I been thinking of this lately? Since last Friday, one thing has been stuck in my head; my dad who was on vacation last week said to me “I don’t know how you do it all day sitting around.” He meant how can I handle not going out in the heat, but I took it a whole different way. It took me all the strength to hold myself back form verbally going off on him. I did let out a “So you think I enjoy not working and sitting around here on my ass.” He did shoot back defending what he meant, so I was able to diffuse myself from saying/doing much worse.

I’ve been a little more sensitive lately, and I am afraid of going off on someone, it really sucks to be in this position. I really can’t give the reason why I have been pressuring myself a lot more lately. Most I can say is that I owe to others to do so, and thinking of what happens if I fail again is a frightening thought.

Funny thing about my “Studs up” Column on “” (*cough* cheap plug *cough*) happened recently. I’ve done about 5 columns so far, and people seem to like it. I was also interviewed by someone writing an article about “” which I found to be interesting and odd at the same time. I admit some of the stuff I have written has been a little inaccurate, but nothing more than what the average press gets wrong. People have reacted to what I been doing positively, and who knows, maybe some of the local press will take notice and start to pay me for my ranting!! The funniest part is that I really have been doing this column as almost a goof, as in not really doing this like it’s a means to make money. Honestly, there are some other columnists on the site, I thought I could do just as a good job as them, and the guy running the site was looking for more writers. I sent in a sample, and bam “Studs Up” was born. I went over this in another entry, so I won’t go into further detail.

Other parts in my life have been progressing well. It’s been going painfully slowly but it’s moving forward. Hopefully this weekend things will move more forward. I sold my R/C truck, now I just have to wait for the money to come so I can ship it off. The guy was supposed to let me know about the money tonight, but I haven’t heard anything yet (nothing from him or Paypal, meaning he sent the money there already which is what I asked him to do).

That’s all I got tonight, Mets are still doing about .500 baseball. They still suck, but at least this season the Mets can say they were in the toughest division this season..