by Peter Marus

First off, I’m writing this on my Word program, so I can get this all down before I forget when I sit down to write this and then I sound retarded (more than I do now). I decided to try to put more humor into my blog. Don’t worry, I’m still going to have some inane crap on here that you have all grown to love/hate (I don’t give a rats ass either way, the worst part would be if you were indifferent about it). I was inspired by my trip to the comedy club last Fri to try to develop my sense of humor more. I know I sort of have one, people tell me I’m funny and do laugh at what I say, but I want to try to make it more developed. Usually about 70% of what I try to say that’s funny goes over OK. The rest of the 30% either makes me look retarded, or people look at me in horror that I said something that stupid, given my educational background (graduated from a top HS in NYC, Archbishop Molloy, and I am a graduate of Penn State University). This usually doesn’t bother me, since I say things to get a reaction. If I get a bad/negative response, I’m happy just for getting some response from it. It kills me when I get nothing at all. That says to me “I don’t get what you said, and I won’t give you the satisfaction to fake it either way.”

I got a book about comedy writing…. Hey, I won $40 on a lottery game, and I got the book and a magazine and had enough to put gas in my car!!! So I got this book and now I’m starting to read it. It’s given me some great ideas on how to develop my ideas. It’s made me realize that I should write more, everyday, and not when I damn well feel like it. It also gave me a cool exercise that not only helps with comedy writing, but also analytical ideas. Take a newspaper, or anything you read and pick out random nouns. Then take those nouns and write something that pops in your head (what bothers you, your opinion of it, etc.) It really does make you think, and impresses me how much I can think up of.

Like I said, this is a new thing for me, and I’m not looking to get into comedy, but maybe if I get my skills good, maybe I’ll go do something stupid and try out at a comedy club…. then you all can go and yell “You suck! stop talking jackass and die!!” at me in person than at your computer screen when you read my thing here!!! Then I get to rip into you for doing it, and then it’s all good…

Now the usual crap, nothing else is new. I have to get my ride inspected. I hate this, I have chest pains thinking how much I’m going to get screwed by the shop. First it’s $40 bucks just so they can take my car after me waiting for 2 hours in a waiting room with horrible coffee, and stupid people with their stupid kids running around, and look at it and figure out what can they get me on. Then they put my car on a computer to make sure my car ain’t spewing out horrible gasses into the air. Ironic, since it’s usually a Mexican testing my car right after eating 10 burritos and scarfing a ton of beans for lunch…. and my car’s the one they’re worried about being a environmental hazard!!!! Then they go through the underside of my car to see what’s leaking or not right. Then the pull start (Indians come in two varieties, turban=pull start, forehead dot=push start) that owns the shop tries to sell me other services on top of trying to screw me out of $200 for some little part that I can pick up at the auto store for $20 and put in myself. After the whole ordeal, no matter if your car passes or not, the car feels different driving…. I don’t care, I was just told by a state computer that my car can start, stop, hold up under the weight of the car, and it’s not belching out a death cloud that can kill.

I remember my friend who had an RV fail because the trim was sticking out and was considered unsafe. Never mind that RVs are rolling bombs between the gas in the tank, the propane in the tank for cooking, and all that weight on a chassis that’s barely able to hold together a regular truck, Trim sticking out is the real danger…YOU CAN GET CUT!!!!! My friend told the guy “take some fucking nails and screws and fix it!!” The guy did it (halfassed, I saw it before he sold the RV), and had the balls to charge him LABOR AND THE PRICE OF THE SCREWS on top of the inspection!!! That’s like when you go to the doctor and you get a band aid to cover a small scrape, then get charged for the band aid AND the visit.

Wow, guess the Doctors and Auto mechanics are one in the same…. MONEY ROBBING SCUMBAGS!!!!