by Peter Marus

I was looking over all the interests I have, and I do have quite a few. I may seem like i have too many, where some get lost in the shuffle, but really I like it that way. Why do you ask? Because it helps make me a rounded individual. Sometimes I give one or two more attention than others, but when I start to get a little tired of the ones I am into, I can switch to another I'm not doing at the moment for a fresh look, and sometimes one thing I do in one interest can transfer over to another and make both interests more fun for me.

One thing some don't get and try to get me more into is being fully into something, like to the point where a TV/Radio show, sport, or just some hobby just consumes one's life, like where you are spending all your time, energy and money into getting some whole experience that you surround your life with. I know some who are like this and they are good people, but I can never be like that. First it's really cutting off a lot of one's life for some devotion and loyalty to something that in the big picture is trivial. I need many things to make my life feel full and complete, and can't base my entire life on one aspect that can go away as quickly as it comes into my life. There are the people who super happy to have what they are into succeed but get crushed to the point where depression comes in when something bad happens, almost to a point where they shut out the world and wallow in their misery over something they had no control over. I”m sorry, I find that way to live pathetic. I love my soccer teams, but if they lose I'm not overly depressed for more than a day. After that I move on, but there are others who will live with this loss like they are personally responsible for it. I never got that, and that's why people way into religion bother me. What really pisses me off is when some of these people tell me “you're not hardcore like us,” “you're not a real fan”.....fuck you, I choose to have a life outside of your little thing and excuse me if I want to broaden myself to make me a better man and God forbid have fun. This is why I tried not cash in on my writing skills or any of my interests. They are fun to me, and at some point it will seem more like a job and not fun if I tried to make some cash off this bullshit I happen to have some skill at. Why the fuck would I want to ruin something fun for a couple bucks?? I have been offered jobs to write about soccer, but I don't do it since I go to games to have fun and meet some cool people.

“Our team lost!!!” yeah did it? Did OUR team lose? Well I feel no real pain, other than I wasted money and time on watching/screaming at a shitty performance, but guess what? By the time I get home, I have other bigger issues to deal with, not how a team played in ONE game. When a team succeeds or fails, or if one of my favorite radio/TV shows does well or poorly, or if my R/C car breaks or runs well, sure it's frustration or elation at first but I get over it. There are some that can't see past the result and have whatever result just consume and dictate their lives and NOT get past it. I am so sick of seeing fans cry when their team fails and act like it's some sort of great pain. Or worse, when the team wins and they are so happy like THEY did something. To me in the long run all those good feelings are good at first, but what in reality does it do to affect my whole life? Makes me feel better a little, but for only a second. It's not something that is a life long feeling.

You want to know what pain is? Pain is when you see your Aunt's dead body laying in the street right after she got hit by a car when you were a little kid. Pain is when you find your father's body on the floor and no matter how much CPR you do, you can't revive him . Pain is when the woman you can't deny being in love with (but never told her since at the time you thought it was too soon) goes from saying the same goddamn things to you and making you feel this is “it”, to saying she will only give you part of her except her love, and her heart that you think she was going to give you because she is too fucking afraid to give it in case you break it like some of her exes did in the past. And this doesn't happen once but TWICE after some time and you start talking to her again and just when you think you and her are going to get back together, she pulls the same shit again.

It's shit like this that could put someone on the ground for a long time and almost suicidal, but guess what, I got over it and am better than ever. So excuse me if I'm not pissed for a long time if the Red Bulls or Mets lose, or if my favorite radio show or TV programs are suspended or canceled, I got other things to worry about in my entire life more than some trivial show or sport. Seriously, if you are affected by something that is something you choose to enjoy in a good way or bad way when they do good or bad to a point where it controls your actions and life in general for more than a week......kill yourself, please. You add nothing to society. Get hurt/happy, take a few days to get over it and move fucking hard is that?? If all the shit I was into disappeared tomorrow, I would be a little down, but I would get over it and move forward. Sadly there are some in the world would never get over again if you are one of those type people..die, get in the coffin. You add nothing to the world outside the occasional good song and maybe some comedy, and of course a lot of headaches for those who have to listen to your bitching and moaning.