by Peter Marus

The past several weeks has had an amazing time for me. I can't really get into specifics, since when I do too soon, it get jinxed and blows up in my face. All I will just say is that everyday I've had a smile on my face, and hopefully it'll stay there. I'll also say I've been in the best mood I've been in. The only thing is that, as always, I got that thing in the back of my head making me petrified about screwing this all up. I really don't want to, and I try not to listen to that thing in the back of my head, but its always there. I've felt for the past couple days like i'm one step away from standing on a landmine and everything blowing up. I'm sure it's just me, but I HATE THIS FEELING!! I always think this is the thing that always messes everything up in my life. I have to learn one day that there is always a threat of failure and I shouldn't fear it. What I should learn to do is not block it out, but not take that "what if I fail" into consideration when I think about things I want to do in life. I learned this week that once you are not afriad of failing, there is nothing you can't do......I just wish I can teach myself to follow these words. Maybe what's been going on can help make me learn this, and the happiness I feel right now not only stays with me, but stays with me for a long time and grows.