Mental dump 12/12

by Peter Marus

I've had a busy time since I posted.  Between working and family issues, I just haven't had the energy or time really to do anything here.  It sucks since I've had many ideas for topics to write about.  I'll try to book some down here just to write them down and then not have them bounce in my head (though I will say it gives me something to use when my job is slow and it keeps my mind active).  

First is how sad the politics have gotten so "gang" mentality.  I guess it's always been like that, but in the past 20 years it's gotten out of hand.  It used to be if you were a Republican or Democrat, you believed a certain core beliefs.  But some others you had that were aligned with "the other side".  It's a shame that it's no longer there, since those who crossed the line in some aspects were vital in getting both parties to work together.  Now it's you are red or blue, there is no compromise.  Sometimes it's blindly following the ethos of your "gang".  This clear line is what's killing the country.  We need more "middle men" to get consensus on things. 

The other big thing on my mind is just thinking through my employment situation and what needs to change, but what other parts of my life have to adapt if I make a career change.  One night I'll go through the thought process here.

Some quick hits: 

-Fuck Diabetes

-Women heart attacks and how to spot one is harder than a man having one.  Everyone should learn the difference.

-Kids movies are brutal on me.  Between the fucked up dark premises they are based on or start off with are tough, but the endings hit me hard.  I cried at the end of "Toy Story 3" the other night.

-With the amount of work I do and the physical nature of it, I haven't gotten to do things like clean or get better organized.

 

 

Mental dump 11/24

by Peter Marus

-Despite the stories about Uber, I will continue to use it.  I haven't had a bad experience using their service, and I don't have to deal with lazy, somewhat racist drivers who refuse to take me to certain neighborhoods in NYC, or even the outer boroughs.  Usually taxi and some car service drivers won't leave Manhattan.  I haven't had an issue with Uber as far as this goes, and the cars used are MUCH cleaner and nicer.  I used it Saturday night to go from Midtown Manhattan to Downtown Brooklyn, with no problems or issues.  I also used it with my girlfriend to get to her place after the event we went to and again, no issues.  Take from all the stories you want, but I find Uber a better option in NYC over yellow taxis or other car service.

 -Last week did something I haven't had in a while: lit a fire under me.  I haven't had any "fight" in me for a while and just felt static.  Then I heard about how a business is trying to screw me and some others over while lying to another person.  After hearing that, I did what I can to prove the lies wrong and call this guy out on his bs.  I'm going to try to keep this fire in me and use it in other parts of life.  

Holidays

by Peter Marus

I really don't like this season.  As happy as it should be it reminds me of the end.  It's the end of the year, but this part of the year it has been the end of a lot of relationships I've had.  In the months of November and December over the years, I lost my father, two uncles, an Aunt and a cousin when I was young.  I honestly may have lost others but I honestly don't remember.  Death sometimes can be a blur.  It has changed how I look at the holidays.  The materialistic bullshit part annoys me to no end.  It's already started and it's barely past Halloween.  What happened to the gradual move through the holidays?  Now stores, in their insane greed, piss on the holidays in the name of cheap publicity like when a they force their workers to choose their job or family, and pathetic profits.  As nice as some stores choose not to partake in the Black Friday insanity, it's still a shitty cheap ploy for publicity. This year, like last year I am around the retail industry and I'll get to see firsthand how fucked up the quest is for the almighty dollar.  Seeing what the schedule looks like means more money for me via overtime, but it's more time at a job where I'd rather than spending time with my personal time.  It sucks and even the payoff is debatable if it's worth the time.

Given the past months, it's made me think the next few holidays are going to be special given the fragility of many of my family members.  I am going to enjoy them and make them the best years for them, but I can't shake the idea of thinking what happens when they aren't here.  I shouldn't think like this but I'm human and this is something to keep in mind.  Trying to stay positive is a challenge.  

College football playoff

by Peter Marus

I like how it's set up.  The commission seems really well selected and so far the rankings are very fair and accurate of where each major schools should be ranked.  I always like college football despite half the teams in Division 1 end up in a bowl (gives the "everyone gets rewarded" mentality), ESPN on the SEC's jock like they are for the ACC in basketball, and Notre Dame In general.  I'm looking forward to see how it all works out.  

Side note: Penn State looks mediocre now, but when they get all their scholarships back and if their recruit class pans out, they will be back at the top.

One more PSU note.  I hope they sue the NCAA for all its worth after the disgusting and malicious actions they took.  Look at the facts of their "investigation" and how grumpy their work is, and you'll see how unfair PSU was treated.

Bjj friday

by Peter Marus

In Fridays in BJJ is an Open mat, where you can go roll or work on techniques (though mostly rolling).   This past Friday made me realize the weight loss I experienced has helped.  I was a little quicker and moving better.  I am down to about 220 lbs, which makes me really happy since that puts me in a lower weight class, especially not one where I am outweighed 30 pounds.  To give perspective I was almost 255 when I started BJJ years ago, so slowly I got down in weight.  All and all I am happy about this revelation.  

Another big realization was: when passing someone playing open guard, stand up and do it on your feet.  Makes life easier than from the knees!!! 

What to write about on 11/6?

by Peter Marus

What to write about?  I am trying to write more daily entries again, to try to improve my writing skills.  I try to, but a lot of times I’m too tired to write.  My job has me on my feet all day, while making me analyze and follow everything around me.  It’s an exhausting job.  It sucks when I would love to go to BJJ class at night to see a lot of my friends I haven’t trained with in a while, but my legs feel like lead, my mind is mush, and I’m just in a bad mood mentally.  I go in the mornings when I can, sometimes I oversleep and miss training.  I have to try to keep my alarm clock/phone away from my bed to make me get up to shut it off.  That would lessen my chance of falling back asleep. 

 Wise, it’s there and looks like more is coming soon with the holiday season coming.  I’m lost likely going to work 6-7 days a week with several hours extra each day near Christmas.  , which I’m not fond of.  But at the same time, I could use the money.  I’m stuck in a rock and a hard place, and I want to get out of all of it.  I alluded to it in a previous entry.  I’m better than this, and I want a job to show that.  I’m trying to not let my biggest fear set in: accepting this mediocre position and live as a mediocre person.  I’m not mediocre, I’m better than that.

I bought an Office 365 subscription recently, and am actually writing this entry on it.  I wanted it because Google Docs and any alternative to Office suck quite frankly.  I don’t like them that much.  I also wanted to refresh my Office suite skills.  I saw a subscription card for Office 365 on Amazon for $70 and decided to get it.  So far it’s a nice suite of the familiar programs I remember using.  There are other features I haven’t touched yet but would like to soon.

Work Dump

by Peter Marus

I wear a suit at my job, but don't make suit wearing money.

I am told in training how much value I have, but in reality my role is to just be a fulfillment of an insurance policy clause. 

The client I work for give me limits of my job, but I am to blame when those handcuffs stop me from doing my job. 

The clients' employees are nice, but remind me often my place.

My life seems to be revolving around my shift, sometimes encroaching on my private life. 

My peers don't care for the job, but will report me just to try to get my spot.

The employees have an infatuation with the company they work for, and expect me to care as much

The only time I have to feel like more than garbage is the short half hour I have for lunch, but that is very early in my shift.   

I get to work early, most employees don't.  I guess I care about my work more than they care about theirs. 

I can't take a day off without taking a hit to my paycheck, it makes me have to prioritize what's important. 

I can't do the right thing for those I love without feeling I may have a negative impact to my position. 

I look for a better job, but the hours free I have I use more to cope with this BS job.

When I get my paycheck, I don't feel pride, but feel it's not going to last past the next day.   

The more I am in this job, the more I fear I'm stuck.

I often feel I'm the smartest kid in the class, but the advanced class doesn't want me.

I have no leverage.

I am better than this job.

I should be making more than I do.

Wrestling history

by Peter Marus

I subscribe to the WWE Network.  I am a wrestling fan.  I love it not only for all the new pay per views and original stuff the have in it, but the past events from all the past promotions.  Seeing some of the old WCW, ECW, and other promotions makes me appreciate the sport and see the evolution (or devolution) to what is wrestling today.  It also gives insight to memories I have and the thing I read or heard about in the past.  There are also shows pointing out and talking about these events and characters in wrestling, often by those who knew and worked at the time.  One thing all this has shown is that wrestling back then was a true fraternity one didn't just go to a school and learn how it works.  Guys had to earn the respect and even a chance to be a part of it.  Today is so different and I think how to get in today is such a bad way.  Many new guys aren't tested by older guys to see who has the heart and desire to make it a living. Also there isn't a "respect the sport" attitude the old guys drilled into a new wrestler.  

I encourage anyone who was a fan to look at the WWE network, read any former wrestlers books, or listen to the podcasts done by those who used to be in wrestling to learn and appreciate what pro wrestling was and is today.

The NFL and WWE have the same problem

by Peter Marus

I am watching NFL football this season, and I have come to realize there are two major problems with it.  First is the penalties being called that kill and momentum in games.  The second I came to realize watching wrestling and listening to a couple wrestling podcasts.

Jim Ross, the famous wrestling announcer, said one day on his podcast that what hurts wrestling today, despite its still popular, is the lack of a great "heel" or bad guy.  The heel is the guy you as a fan hate and will pay to get beat eventually by the good guy.  That's what wrestling was always been: the bad guy did what he had to in order to dominate over everyone until he was eventually vanquished in the end.  Football doesn't have a "heel" team anymore, and that is hurting football.

I remember when the Cowboys or the 49ers were THE teams, they dominated in the NFL and everyone hated them when they were on top.  You paid to see your team try to topple them.  You hated them when they beat your team or won the title.  With the current setup of the NFL you don't get that anymore. Parity and free agency makes it had to build a team that will be together and dominate for almost a decade.  One can say the Patriots were that, but look how much turnover on their roster happened and each championship was with almost completely different teams. I miss the days when the bad team would rise up and beat a superteam, I miss seeing the superteam wax the floor with a bad team.  

Now, one may say "both WWE and NFL are still popular and successful entities, so you are wrong."  Am I? Both have seen declines in some form or another, and a rise in critics.  Also both are marketing machines so they are able to hide the negatives well.

I still watch the NFL, but i enjoy a college game much more.  Hey don't call as many penalties, the play is more open, and you do get "David vs Golliath" games where it's either an upset or a blowout.  Also I like when big teams only really meet at the end of the season, after weeks of games to "build them up".  It leads to more people eating to watch the "big boys" play. 

Sanitation test

by Peter Marus

I signed up for the NYC Sanitation exam. It's not til February but the filing is done in October.  If the server crashing at midnight is an indication, a ton of people are also going to take it.  It's a test given often, and the list of candidates lasts for several years.  Despite the odds of having to score a perfect score and a ton of luck is needed to even get called in for the next stage of the process, I'm still  taking the test.  What do I have to lose?  I do know given the price charged to take the test, the city gets a nice chunk of change.  I may sign up for other tests because I NEED to get out of my current job!!!!

Mental dump-9/11

by Peter Marus

It's been about a month since I updates this.  I figure is do a mental dump to get some things off my mind.

-After the last couple months and the dramas that came through them, my cruise to Bermuda with my wonderful girlfriend and our friends couldn't come at a better time.  I spent the week with some of the most important people in my life and got to just kick back and shut my brain off.  It was an amazing time and Bermuda is a place I really want to vist again.  

 -When I got back, figured the drama started up.  I was in the bad end of a three car accident the day I got back.  I'm fine, but the car is FUBARED.  It was the first (and hopefully the last) time I got to see an airbag work in person.  So the car is gone and I'm going through the process with the insurance company.  Fun stuff.

 -I really need to look at headhunters to get a new job.  The current one is OK, but I need and want more-not just money but mental stimulation and sense of worth.  Once again, my awesome girlfriend gave me info I have to look at as far as career counselors and stuff like that.

 -GoPro makes an awesome camera.

-I don't need to carry a bag for my personal stuff.  Scottevests are awesome for it.  I have their Q.U.E.S.T model and with all the pockets and space to store stuff, I can put a ton of stuff on me and feel comfortable.  It also makes going through security a breeze.

 -WE ARE, PENN STATE!!!  Justice was finally served and all the sanctions the NCAA put on the school after railroading them are gone.

 

 

Untill next time, or whenever I remember to write something... 

My faith renewed

by Peter Marus

Let me first say I'm going to talk about "God".  I'm using God in the general sense since I believe all religions are the same, just different interpretations and regionalization of the same basic stories.  I take my interpretation from the Catholic version, which I grew up with.

My background with religion is I am Catholic and have recieved all the sacraments except Marriage and Last Rights.  As I got older, I question a lot of the teachings, most felt like arbitrary rules created by Politicos and lawyers of the time to control the "flock".  For that I've thought God didn't have the same level of love and compassion for me, and it was something I accepted.  

The past couple weeks have been, to say the least, stressful.  My mom has been in a hospital for that time.  If she didn't go when she did, she probably be dead at this point.  What got my faith renewed was the events leading up to her getting admitted.  I took her to a doctor appointment on a Tuesday, and he said for her to go to a Cardiologist.  My sister made an appointment for the next day.  I had to work so my sister's boyfriend took her and my sister to the appointment, then the hospital right after.  

Now, here's where I feel God stepped in.

My sister planned the week off, her boyfriend didn't.  The Monday of that week he went to work, then didn't feel like going so he too took the week off.  I feel if he didn't do that, he couldn't be there to help my mom and sister that Wednesday.  

Since then I've felt it was God's will that all happened.  It made me see that god still is looking out for my family and my mom.  I've not been the best Catholic, and I question a lot of the rules, but I'm glad that God sees past that and still shows his compassion for my mom and my family.   

For those upset I am just talking about my mom now, I didn't say anything because i don't like to broadcast my sorrow on others, and the less people stressing out about it, the better.  Plus stress leads to conflict.

So, that's my story of a new faith.  Although I am a Reverend, I'm still a man. 

I feel lost

by Peter Marus

I realized today how long I have been at my current job, security guard, for months.  First I am greateful to have a job given how long I have been out of one, but the last holiday weekend made me think how much more I want.  If I was making more than what I do (higher than minimum wage, but not where I should be paid), it probably wouldn't be that bad.  But all that's been in my head is the term "wasting potential", which is how I feel I am now.

I took this job as a stop gap, get some money, and have something recent on my resume.  OK done.  I thought maybe I would find this job fine and can grow from it.  That's not happening.  I am not really stimulated at this job, which makes time move slowly.  I also don't feel as if people find me worth more than this job.  I'm basically a body to fulfill a stores insurance policy.  

So I'm sure you are all saying "get a better job".  I'm trying, but I feel lost where I should apply.  I should refresh on some of the A+ cert info and try help desk jobs again, I should try insurance work again, but not the BS sales jobs insurance companies send me.  Or I should just get any admin job.  

I feel confused and lost as to my next move, but also afraid of being stuck where I am.

I Like Pro Wrestling

by Peter Marus

I am starting to enjoy pro wrestling again.  I have the WWE Network, and watching the archives and the newer material made me appreciate what the show is now.  I'm still not a fan of some of the entertainment parts, my logic is the entertainment should be in the ring and in interviews.  

Some of the characters now are fantastic, especially some of the factions they have.  I've always enjoyed the small factions where it's a couple guys, not the late NWO, where half the roster was in it.  The Wyatt family, The Shield (before they were broken up, but the individuals still work well), The Real Americans are all great groups who can tell a story and tell a character.  I also enjoy some of the more old school style of wrestling they have been doing, some more drawn out fights where a story is told.  I watched the last PPV and the two ladder matches were done very well.  Each participant had a chance to show something, while also trying to keep the injuries to a minimum. 

My only issue is tat a lot of the wrestlers look the same, and outside of their personality, is vanilla.  WWE always had a "look" they wanted in their wrestlers, but there needs more diversity for their roster.   WWE has a developmental promotion, NXT, where there are a lot of the same physical looking guys doing the same moves.  I don't see a lot of standouts.  Then again, I always liked the old school style of promotions-various styles of wrestlers on the card to make for unique fights.

My last issue is the commentary. It used to be two guys, one straight man, one comedy color guy, and they add to the story. Now it's three guys who I doubt pay attention to each other, but also plug all the social media WWE uses and the WWE network.  The network stuff is understandable to get more subscribers, but it's done too much and sound almost desperate.  The social media part to me seems like an old company trying to sound hip and relevant-think your parents talking about how many Facebook friends they have.

Their talk and videos of their films and other ventures are ok-they are trying to branch out and that's fine-but I think they try to tie it into the wrestling product too much.  WWE also is a public company, so I get they have to meet financial goals for the shareholders, but that part I think stifles their creativity.

in the end, I'm still a fan. I love seeing the old stuff, and the stuff I missed and somewhat glad I did.  

I am a fan again.

World Cup

by Peter Marus

If you haven't following it, you are missing out on one of the best events ever played.  The level of talent, the offense this time is off the chain, and just seeing the best of the best playing.  I will say a couple things:

1. As usual, it's disgusting how the front running media acts like the US is some cute story.  They've been not only in the event every time since 1990, but are knocking on the door to make it to the next level.  The media always jumps on the bandwagon when they are winning, while also wishing they lose so they don't have to report on it.  It's disgusting.

2.  want to have some fun? Ask any "fan" of a non US nation to find their nation on a map.  Then badger them to put the US first, everyone else second.  Look, I enjoy seeing the other teams play , but I'd never put them over the US.  

3. When the World Cup ends, rather than go back into the woodwork, actually go support local pro soccer-MLS, NASL, USL-whatever is in you're area.  DONT BE A WANNABE EUROTRASH JOCK SNIFFER!!! Support your local team by putting your butt in a seat at a stadium, not at a bar to see a team that can give a rat's ass about you.

Kids these days...

by Peter Marus

Between the school shootings and seeing what garbage that is graduating from college. Kids today are soft, spoiled, trash that have a huge sense of entitlement.  It's the result of having both extremes of parenting, either neglectful or over protective, happening today.  It's also the result of a failed society that has decided to make everyone feel like a winner and award mediocrity, rather than just the successful.  Because of this, the current generation and the ones in the future feel as if they are almost owed whatever they want, and they don't have to earn it.  If they don't get it, they throw a tantrum and cry some sort of unfairness to them, and then are coddled even more.  Some extremes are the shootings in the news-usually a result of a kid not learning to stand up for himself and lashing out with a gun.

Recently, I thought about an idea who's time has come.  Once a kid graduates high school, that summer he or she should be sent to a boot camp to have their system shocked and whatever garbage thoughts and sense of entitlement taken out of them.  It would be a camp in the middle of nowhere that would force these kids to be self reliant, teach them how important earning even the most simple things like water or a shower is more valuable than just asking for and expecting it.  Also, self defense .  It would be a camp of extremes to get a kid to realize the real world isn't soft or cuddly.  It's a world where you are the one who has to take charge of your life and do what it takes to earn the spot in theis world you want.

Moving to an SSD

by Peter Marus

I get an email form NewEgg offering my a Crucial M500 120 gig solid state drive real cheap.  I jump at it, since an SSD was in my plans for some time.  The drive arrives about a week later, and I am excited to put it in my computer.  Simple enough to plug it in with a SATA cable and an extra power cable from my power supply.  I have it "mounted" in my pc via zip ties.  After foreplay of putting it in my computer, now the real sexytime starts by cloning my hard drive to it.  

I started preparing for this nrew drive days before, clearing out a lot of stuff on my hard drive to make sure what I had on it was small enough to fit on the drive.  No problem.  Even though I planned on reusing my hard drive I was using as a drive for my data after, my original drive size would fit the SSD with no issues.  

I read an article from Lifehacker about the process to clone.  Before I get into detail, I am A+ certified and have cloned drives in the past, but this is my first time trying to clone Windows 8.1 onto an SSD.  Previously I did XP onto regular hard drives.  I read the article, and in my head I said the infamous words Jeremy Clarkson from "Top Gear" says:

"How hard can it be?"

Well...

I get the cloning software the article suggested-EasUS ToDo Backup.  Seemed like a simple program to do it, it even optimizes the clone for SSDs.  Sweet.  I choose the source and destination drives, hit "optimize for SSD", click start, and check off "Turn off computer when finished".  A short time later I see the computer turns off.  Excellent.  At this point the article says to boot from the SSD.  I try to...and nothing.  "Hmmm"  I check the BIOS, make sure the SSD is the one the computer is trying to be boot.  Nope, no super-fast booting PC.  

DAMN!

I go through the process again, Nada.  I look online for some ideas, and found some for different programs. I try CloneZilla, but it won't do it due to the source drive is too big (and I was doing the drive to ensure the recovery partition-which I believe had the boot info on it as well).  I played around with gParted, and it seemed to copy my C:/ drive over.  Again, try to boot from SSD.  Zilch.  I looked at the files on the SSD< and it was an exact copy of my hard drive, but it won't boot.  This is making me nuts.  

I put in my recovery disk and tried to repair the boot files on the SSD, and that didn't work.  I then got deep and found programs to mess with the boot files themselves, and I sort of got it to work, but it was so unstable and janky, I reset what I changed.  It was using both the SSD and hard drive, making the machine run all funky.

Finally, in defeat, I did a clean install of the OS and now it's running fine.  I have all my data on another hard drive, and my computer is up and running.

Hindsight makes me think of what I may have done wrong.  Maybe not unplugging my hard drives after the initial clone and just leaving the SSD plugged in would have helped, maybe it was something with my original windows install (despite all the cleanup/defrag programs saying everything was fine).  Maybe it's just simply moving an already installed OS to a totally different storage system "broke" it.  I have read SSD and hard drives read and access files differently.  

In the end, I'm actually glad I clean installed the OS.  Helped me get rid of some of the programs I didn't need, and got me to set up my computer again, and make sure it's set up right again.

Still, I feel like a moron, after going through training to work on PCs, I couldn't get this done correctly.  Sort of a hit to the 'ol ego 

Cover letters like wrestling promos

by Peter Marus

I always think the cover letter or intro email is one of the hardest things to write. First off it may not be even looked at given how lazy HR or hiring people are these days. Usually they see an email come in, say "Hey another one!", then scan the resume into a flawed computer system the will use factors to discriminate people out of the running for a job. Also, so-called "experts" will tell you conflicting things on how one should be written, how long it should be, etc.

I decided, after enjoying the WWE Network for a couple weeks, that maybe writing one as if I was giving a wrestling "promo" (monologue that is either about the wrestler to make him look good or his enemy to further a storyline).

Obviously I wouldn't be talking trash about the company I'm trying to simply get a response to. It would be in the way some wrestlers used to say "I'm the best wrestler here, and here's why." If you look up some of the most famous wrestlers' work. You'll see what I mean.

At this point it can't hurt trying something new, right?

Ps4 so far

by Peter Marus

I've had one for a while. So far I am enjoying it. After going through getting a replacement one after a fan in the first one I had was bad, it's up and running fine. I still have and play games on my PC, and I do plan on getting as many of the top games coming onto PC like "Watch Dogs", but some of the exclusives and sports games got me to get a PS4.

So far the games look and play great. One thing I like but wish it was a little better is the PS Vita remote play feature. It works as it should be since the Vita doesn't have the same number of buttons as a PS4 controller, some of them have to be used on the touchpad behind the Vita. It's something you have to get used to, but I prefer a controller. The feature works when needed.

I haven't played too much with the streaming features, but I do have Twitch and Ustream accounts now (pmarus78). I've watched some, and it's a range of good to garbage, so it's on par with the Internet in general.

So far so good.

Why is a draft needed?

by Peter Marus

I hear all the hype about the NFL draft, and I was thinking: in leagues that have salary caps (NFL, NBA, MLS, NHL) why are drafts for players entering the league needed?

If a team has a limit on what they can spend on salaries, why should they be limited, or even forced, to signing young talent? I know things like this puts the leagues in the press cycle in their offseason and gives the media something to do, but other than that, what's the point of the draft?

Is it to limit what a 19-20 year old is paid off the bat? Can't be that if you see what some rookies get (granted leagues are putting rookie caps on their salaries). I know they claim it's to keep competitive balance, but that's crap as well. Look at Eli Manning, John Elway, Eric Lindros, or any player that was drafted by a bad team but forced the team to trade them to a better team. Where was the leagues to stop that?

All teams in a league have a budget to spend on players. I think these teams should be given the freedom to spend it however they want. If one team locks up all the top college talent, if it's within the salary cap rules and they can afford to do so, that's their prerogative.