MLS Rivalry Week and Promotion/Relegation: Shut up about it!!!

Last week was the media-created MLS "Rivalry week".  It's to focus on three major "Rivalries" in Major League Soccer.  It's stupid because of the three games aren't TRUE rivalries.  Let me explain of each:

LA Galaxy vs. San Jose Earthquakes-This used to be a real rivalry, but San Jose as an inactive franchise for a few years (the team moved to Houston and became the Dynamo). It's not the same as if both teams were still active for the entire time.  This one could be considered a rivalry in a few years, but now it's now in my opinion

Portland Timbers vs Vancouver Whitecaps-One that the media claims this has lasted since the 70s in the old NASL.  Again, one or both teams have been inactive for some time between then and now, on top of the names and logos may be the same of the original teams, but the ownership, leagues they both played in over time, and time "dead".  Along with this is either teams' rivalry with the Seattle Sounders.  Once again, has potential to be a big rivalry but needs time with current forms.

NYCFC vs. New York Red Bulls-this has only been around for two seasons.  The rivalry between them is as created organically as the NYCFC team was (just created with disregard to MLS' own rules for accepting franchises-I won't get into that).  Could be a rivalry but again, no history.

I hate "Rivalry Week", mostly for the stupidity and uncreative nonsense the fans throw out between each other  It's almost caused me to leave social media, and reminded me why there was a time I almost stopped watching soccer, and had to step back from being a more devoted fan.  I wrote a rant on Twitter and I'll post them in the order I wrote it.  It came at the point when the banter wasn't witty but stupid on my timeline about the "rivalry" between NYCFC and Red Bulls fans:

-Everyone talking about team’s ownership in MLS: you all realize MLS is 51% owner in ALL teams, everyone else is just investor, right?

-Also, maybe I’m older and from my BJJ experience, but I don’t HATE teams or players, I don’t like some but I still RESPECT them.

-Maybe things would be better if all fans do that, and focus on growing a league/sport than trying to cut it down in dumb ways

-Here’s the thing: MLS, and pretty much all teams and leagues are businesses, and businesses need $ to run.

-Esp. in soccer, some want to invest in the sport, fans don’t want that? OK, what do you want? back to shoddy leagues where no one cares?

-Or worse, anyone remember the 90s where ill-fit “businessmen” started a team, had no $ to run it, and the team didn’t least a full season?

-MLS, NASL, and USL for the most part have their reasons they only want big $ owners: to make $ and not have teams fold like old A-league.

-It just irks me seeing the stupidity “fans” throw at each other in sports with vitriol especially in a sport that can’t afford stupidity.

-It actually makes me ashamed sometimes to see those who call themselves “fans” of a team that is a business fight for it like it’s a cause.

-It’s not a cause, it’s a fucking business in entertainment that only cares your check clears for the ticket. Time at a game should bring joy.

-Ball busting between fans is fine, but when one tries to make it like it matters for their lives to where it consumes them? get help dude.

-Entertainment, and sports is just that, should be a small break from what’s wrong, not be another basis for more problems.

-I know many who are fans of rivals, we can talk in an intelligent way to each other. You know what? Its actually cool and you enjoy others

-Ranting tonight because A) I can, B) “rivalry week” reminds me of why I started to hate going to RBNY games, C) The talk btw fans is garbage

Part of this stream of conscience is from the other group of fans I am not happy with: those who want the promotion/relegation system in US pro soccer.  It's a system when good teams move to the higher league, while bad ones move to a lower league.  It's common around the world, but not here.  Some of the Euro jock sniffers want this in the US because "that' show the rest of the World works", and it's a more "fair" system.  Lower league teams for the most part are not stable organizations, and remind me of the pro teams that came around in the "dark ages" of US soccer.  They would set up shop in a league, have zero promotion budget (and budget to pay their players) and last the season.  People would be conned out of money and the owner either went bust or ran away with the money.  Promotion/relegation wouldn't change this.  Say what you want about the closed systems of MLS, NASL, and USL, but they work hard to make sure they accept ownerships who are stable and have the capital to run their teams.  For the most part, this system works. 

Again, I'm sick of the banter between soccer fans on this subject.  It's stupid, childish, and drags the entire sport down.  I wish everyone would shut up, enjoy their local teams no matter what level of soccer they play, and work together to grow the sport.  And fans should stop trying to be British Hooligans and try to recreate an era and culture that almost brought down soccer in the world during the 70s and 80s.  

Again, enjoy the sport for what it is, and Internet "soccer supporters" SHUT UP!!!

Night thoughts 4/26/16

-Glad to see the victims of the Hillsborough Disaster got a level of closure today when a judge in England determined that it was the police and local authorities were at fault for the 96 deaths and hundreds of injuries when the pen where Liverpool fans were overfilled.  It led to people in the front of the terrace being crushed.  If you don't have any idea on what I"m writing about, Google it and also watch the ESPN documentary on it.  It's a sad moment in soccer, but also the moment where everything about the sport changed.  From stadium setup to how security is handled at games led to what modern games are now.  Some may miss the old days, and say the reform led to the higher ticket prices, but reading how the old days were at games this change had to happen at some point.  The whole terrace for fans idea is still viable-it's used in student sections of college football and many leagues in Europe-but the control and order of it is strictly controlled.

-I have a Mac again. I have a MacBook I got form my girlfriend for a price to help her pay for her new MacBook.  I'm still getting the rust off my mac hot keys and such, but i'm enjoying the experience.  I" also enjoying having a laptop so I have a level of mobility.

-The last couple days have been some "dark days".  I haven't been in a good spot with all the stresses in my life.  I am glad to have those who care for me around to help out.  I'm glad for my antidepressant, my Prozac, my therapy-Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and the crew I train with.

I want a challenge

What I am talking about is in my next job, I want to be at a job where everyone around me is at my (admittedly) high standard as far as my work and dedication to it.  I'm a damn-near perfectionist and I can admit to a level of a control freak.  I am tired of being at jobs where I have to lower my level to match the mediocrity that is around me.  It's frustrating, insulting, and just sad where people are in positions and situations at a job where they do not give their all to at the very least get the job done.  

A good leader or manager in any company is the one who sets the standard, and those who work under him/her should at least match that level. If he/she is coming into work on time or early, you should at least show up on time.  If they are hitting marks or goals, you should to.  The manager and their workers should be in a respectful competitive environment.  Not a malicious, negative, angry environment, but one where everyone is pushed to do better Not so much more, but better.  

My next job, I want something like that. 

20 years since Molloy

I realized this past week it's been 20 years since I graduated from Archbishop Molloy HS.  It's from there I went to Penn State, had a few jobs, and ended up where I am today.  20 years is a lot of time.  I look back and as much as I could dwell on my shortfalls the led to me where I am professionally, I have realized a few things: 

-I took the bold move on going to PSU, in a school you were almost pushed to go to St. John's University (it's one of the reasons I always root against their sports teams). I grew exponentially getting out of NYC compared to those who stayed home, stayed around their friends from HS, and didn't venture out of their comfort zone. 

-My tolerance of others has grown from the 20 years.  

-The lessons and values I gained from Molloy and the teachers I had are still with me and are a basis of much of my personality.  The motto of the school is translated to be "not for school, but for life", and I realize a good school in general-education, martial arts, etc-will be able to put this phrase into reality.

-Technology has changed me.  Back then I was not mindful of the world.  I had no computer, and I was ignorant of what was possible and now that's totally different. 

Speaking of technology, my mom was moved off of chemotherapy since it wasn't working too well on her cancers.  The doctor put her on immunotherapy, a new cancer treatment just really coming out now.  It's the therapy President Carter was on to clear his cancer.  The short of it is the treatment gets your immune system active in attacking cancer.  Usually cancers tell the immune system it's not a problem, but these drugs tell the immune system "No, kill that!!".  I don't know if it will help, but reading about it and hearing about some success stories, I'm optimistic. 

i pray it works, I pray God helps her and myself get through all this and end in a better place.  

Odd feeing and 2+ years

My mom was in the hospital for a bit due to a really bad infection on her foot.  It at first wasn't too bad, but it got worse to where the doctor told her to get to an ER.  She went (despite my urging to go sooner, but she wanted the doctor to tell her). After leaving the hospital, I didn't feel my overwhelming worry or fear this time.  I felt calm, felt relieved she was there and getting help.  It was the first time I felt that with her and her afflictions.  She's home now, and still have to get IV antibiotics daily for a while, but I don't feel too worried.  This experience was a lesson and an exercise to not let worry and overwhelm me.  I need to try to take this experience and internalize it and apply it more and more. 

The other thoughts occupying my mind is work.  Looking at me resume and work history I see I average 2-2 1/2 years at a job.  It seems odd for someone who's been told all his life you work somewhere for decades, being loyal to the company.  

I realized looking back at why I haven't stayed for so long is that at every stop, I made it as far as I was going to go.  That's for one reason or another, but I make it to the ceiling and either keep banging my head into the ceiling or just losing the drive to do the work I was doing for that employer.  So I make a business decision to leave and go somewhere else.  It's debated how that looks, but as I have said: I don't have a piece of the company, so I'm just a mercenary doing my job.  If I am not getting what I feel is fair compensation-money or otherwise-then I have a right to go somewhere to get that.  I don't see a problem with that.  

Which brings me to today.  Actually this brings me to 6-8 months ago.  The job I have now I have done as much I can, and since the money and quite frankly respect is not where I feel it should be, it's driving me to move on.  I am right now looking for other opportunities.  My age and experience has me focusing on places where they don't strive to be mediocre or strive to stay mediocre.  I am tired of getting the "lower rung" jobs or companies.  Those places aren't worth my time or energy at this stage.  My last few jobs were the epitome of that.  There's no challenge to move forward, but usually a fight to stay from regressing.   

Maybe I'll find a place where I will stay longer than just 2-3 years this time.

Hot takes

 -Election is pro wrestling with the rich soap opera families fighting and voting is just the rigged "phone/text in your vote" to look like we matter, but the storyline is already been written.

-Polls are bullshit because they are created by the same media companies vying for the ad $ from the candidates.  So of course most races are too close to call.  There's no money in a blowout.

-Anyone find it funny that the anarchists at most demonstrations and rallies are usually on the socialist's side?  How does that work?

-Watching "The People vs. OJ" series on FX, and according to that show, the Dream Team were one big flaming homosexual gang.  Also Robert Kardashian was apparently a bumbling idiot always dressed to go clubbing, but my girlfriend pointed out he was Armenian, and they ALWAYS look like they are ready to hit the clubs.

-Warby Parker glasses for me.  My slow slide into Hipsterdom starts (or continues, who knows).  But all serious, I like their glasses and the price with exam wasn't bad. Now if you excuse me I need to buy a Portland Timbers jersey….

-Fuck Cancer

-Fuck Diabetes

-About 8 weeks to upgrade my job situation.  Only snag is as usual, I try to better myself, something trying to sabotage it.

Mindset as of leap day

I feel like a caged animal ready for the gate to be opened.  Im waiting for that small amount of freedom to leap out and start doing my thing.  I am growing frustrated by whatever is holding me back and it is causing me to lash out to those close to me.  I feel some remorse for it but don't at the same time.  One opportunity away to steamroll over others and get mine. 

A couple positives

In BJJ, I'm feeing comfortable in my ranking.  What happened usually you are promoted to a new rank, and you start having that mess with your mind.   You are unsure if you deserve the status and you feel the bull's eye on you.  It's the bull's eye lower ranked guys see on you and want to get at.  After a little while, your confidence grows and you start to see why you are where you are, and feel the comfort in knowing you did earn your rank.  Funny part is I got my blue belt (first promotion) and didn't really feel the pressure much. Now as a purple belt, I felt it for the first month or so to prove I earned it.  I'm at the middle rank, and many feel purple is where you should start to be a teacher to the lower belts.  When I sat back and let things sit in, I felt OK, and now I am at a level of comfort. Still a lot of road to go to black, but I'm on it, no matter how long it takes.

Personally, life is improving.  My mom situation is getting better and I'm amazed by her strength and determination is inspiring.  The things around her situation is improving and I am seeing some pressure and limitations on me starting to go away, and I'm looking forward to what's coming up.

How do you prefer I bother you?

Do you prefer to talk on the phone/FaceTime/Skype or communicate via text or email?  Its a question I always wonder about given the number of ways one has to communicate to others.  I'm going to try to make more of an effort to try actually calling or using FaceTime/Skype to talk to people.  First it'll help my social skills.  Second it'll help me see if any statement is meant in what I think it does (I'm a war has been started over someone misinterpreting a written communication).

I ask you, the reader of this (which I am guessing it's A reader, but it's much appreciated), what is the best ways to communicate with you and why is that what you prefer. 

Waiting for the dominos to fall

I am a man who wears a lot of hats these days, some quite frankly I do not want.  I do because I have to and that's just what I do.  I look at my life now, and I am serving everyone else but myself.  I also look at the solutions and they are all predicated on one or two moves that have to happen but those are out of my control.  It's a frustrating feeling.  I also honestly think what I am doing isn't appreciated by those it helps.   

I am at my job right now and I really can't move to another because the schedule lets me help out my mom one weekday a week with her appointments.  If I am not available, it makes it extremely hard and expensive for her to be transported to and from her appointments.  It's one of those things where the dominos are all set up, and one thing needs to push the first one for the others to fall and thing would be right.  But I know that there will be other complications.  The whole situation has me having my life revolve around her needs, which hinders a lot of my life (relationships, personal interests, overall growth, etc.) and it bothers me a lot.  My job already has put stress on these thing, but this situation I feel has made some of it worse. 

I know, boo hoo grow up, but at the same time it's not how one should live.  Its changed me not for the better.  What doesn't help is that pretty much all aspects I now have to walk on eggshells because of how hyper sensitive people are, and God forbid someone's feelings gets hurt and don't feel special.  That complicates my situations even more so I have to "play nice".  I HATE doing having to almost enable people's stupidity and laziness so they can be happy in their ignorance, at my expense.  

Whatever the Hell that's out of my control better get done soon.  I can't afford, money wise and personally, to live and fee like this.  

Monthly, I guess, update

Since the last entry, lots have happened.  Some bad, but some good.  I'll try to organize this as best I can, but this is a therapy entry.  I'm just writing to get some stuff off my chest/head. 

My mom is doing better, which is good.  The problem with recovery is always a "two steps forward, one back".  She moves around better, but still needs help.  She still is doing Chemo but the side effects are harsh.  She is anemic, which is a side effect from the treatment.  Part of the problem is that the treatments make her weak, and anemia makes it worse.  Her walking is tougher, and she tires from it quickly.    it sucks trying to keep expectations in perspective, since I thought she'd be out of the wheelchair by now, but she can't move well without it.  I'm always worried of complacency and she gets too used to it.  But her condition and the side effects sort of don't give her an option.  Do I think she can do more? Yes, but that's coming from someone who isn't in her shoes.  Having someone who has gone through a parental situation like my mom helps, but at the same time my impatience and desire to see her get better sometimes gets the best of me.  

The next few weeks will add even more stress.  My sister returns to work in January, and hopefully Medicaid will kick in and help get an aide to come over for a few hours a day.  The thought of my sister not being here to help her out has me really nervous.  Hopefully the next week or so helps clear up some of the uncertainty.   

I'm still dealing with some of the issues I feel about everything.  I still feel some anger to my mom and family members, thinking she and they did all these to herself and my sister and I have to pick up the pieces and take the responsibility on us to deal with her choices.  It's a tough feeling to work through, and one to not let consume my thoughts.  I hope something will come and fix it. 

Working in a retail-industry job sucks.  Especially this time of the year.  The hours are expanded and I chose to work an extra day to pay for Christmas gifts.  The manager chose to add hours to the store days because she's all about her bonus and needs to pat for her kid's preschool.  The employees also are trying to make their bonus, but seeing their skills, they won't.  Outside of one of them, the rest are at best mediocre salespeople.  

My relationship with all those involved with the store is now more just "I do my job, that's it".  They celebrate a big sale or big day, but I don't participate.  To be honest, whether or not they do well has no effect on my paycheck-I don't get a cut of the sales like they do-so why should I care?  

I have grown to despise the store, I can't stand to be in there anymore.  I want to get a better job where I feel I'm used more, and paid what I feel my experience and skills deserve.  I am only still there because the schedule allows me to help with my mom and the house during the week.  Had I not have the obligations to, I'd work harder to get a better position, or a better paying one at least.  

Its not all bad.  Sunday I received my purple belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.  I was honestly surprised I was awarded it since I felt my skills aren't at that level.  Training has helped keep my head together, but at the same time I am distraced with everything and I didn't feel I progressed so much to be promoted.  It's a cool feeling, but a bit of anxiety and pressure.   Some may say I should shut up and enjoy the moment, which I did in that moment.  But like life after any other moment you have to start working for the next one.

Update on me.

I wanted to write this sooner, but something always came up.  So I am going to try to let you all know what's up.  I have been doing my thing and sadly ignoring or neglect people.  I really should stop that.

Most of my time and energy has revolved around my mom, who's back home.  She is still a ways a way from being close to "well", but since she's left the rehab place she's improved.  Her walking is ok, but she still needs special shoes and has a wound still healing on her foot.  The shoes she has doesn't allow her to step to her toes, and the shoes weigh quite a bit on top of it.  So her walking is interesting, but she does walk.  Usually she still is in a wheelchair and needs some help to stand but she's improved.

The last several weeks have tested my patience.  I'm thinking she'll fight harder, and disappointed she hasn't to the level I want.  It frustrates me, but I have to remember her age and what's she's been through.  The whole time I've realized that it's true that as you get older your parents become the child late in their lives and you have to take care of them like they took care of you early in your life. 

I am grateful my sister was able to take time off and not only tend to her, but the legal and medical stuff that comes along with illness.  I thank God she is able to do this.  I often fee like a shithead that I am not doing more. 

That's all I got. 

It's 10pm

I just got home.  Had to stay for 2 1/2 hours after work.  In rush hour the longest it takes me to get to work: 40 mins.  Tonight coming home I left at 8:30pm.  My "reward" for my extra work? Time and a half for 2.5 hours that equals $37.50.  Do the reverse math and see what I make an hour.  It's pathetic but I accepted this garbage because I chose to take this job.  Not for want but only thing there for me.

On top of this, yesterday I had to spend all day and $50 to do a BS annual class for my guard license.  It was so BS, I sat there with the same notes I took last year and all the notes put on the board was EXACTLY the same.  NOTHING WAS NEW.  It's a scam the state put in for exploiting people and take their money.   

I have to get out of this job.  I wish I could quit, but can't.  People tell me to stay positive, something better will come along, well my patience and positivity is wearing really thin, as is any facade I can put up to not look seething about everything going on. 

Mental dump, brightening up my dark place.

I have purposely not writing here for a bit because I've been in a dark place.  I've touched on what has been happening the past several months in my life, but I haven't really touched on how I feel about things.  Events the past week or so has made me think the best way to cope with some feelings is to just put them out somewhere, and also create content for this page.  I guess some consider me a "creative" guy with my writing, so let's see how this works.  It may not sound coherent or organized, and that's due to me just emptying my head of stuff and "sharing my feelings", which seems to either be in vogue or not happening enough, depending on who you speak.

Last week was another step to realization where I work is not for me.  I'm more of a corporate guy, and I realize that the retail world, if you aren't the guy running it, is sad. It's sad if you are a person over the age of 30 working as a sales person.  It says you either were too stupid to go to college, or too stupid to handle working a real job.  If you are over 25 at a retail job and not trying to get a managerial or a corporate role at the company or anywhere else, that's especially pathetic.  I work at a place full of pathetic, mentally weak, people.

One in particular stands out.  This person is a troll.  She's always negative, but also lives in her own world.  She's the person who thinks she's the real manager, and tries to use the real one like a cover to do what she wants.  When the real manager isn't around, she will try to bully others to do what she wants.  She's got a Napoleon complex, and hates when someone doesn't bend to her will, running to the real manager to say that person is uncooperative.  Her attitude is the type where most parts of her role is below her and everyone else should do it for her.  She's the one who tries to always hits the home run, but doesn't realize or is too stupid to realize that the singles or smaller hits are more important. This attitude shows since she is one of the lowest performing people of the group.  

What really gets me about this person is how much of an ungrateful immigrant she is.  She's the one type of immigrant I absolutely cannot stand.  She and her family came to the US from a war-torn area, was given the chance to skip the line and was given citizenship, and has nothing good to say about this country and its generosity.  There are people who try to get their legal paperwork to be a part of this country, fearful of being deported due to something administrative screwing up, waiting years for the process to be over, and this pig gets rushed to the front of the line.  The sense of entitlement is an insult to anyone who has fought to come to the country the right way, without the generosity of the US just giving them a spot.  I pray in the end she gets hers and ends up realizing her bitter, spoiled brat attitude has caused everyone she knows has left her, and it's her doing.

 This person is a cancer to any work place and has me debating leaving this job without another in place.  

This stuff is one of my many reasons for feeling frustrated and anger.  I feel anger a lot.  I feel anger for everyone who get to have freedom to enjoy their lives and fulfill their goals.  My goals are in the toilet because I am and have been shackled by my sense of responsibility to those I love.  I am angry at my mom.  I am angry because of her selfishness for several decades to not get the proper treatment for her Diabetes, thinking she can handle it herself.  She refused to go to a doctor for help.  She had a fear of them, but it's still stupid not to get the help she needed.  She grew-and we allowed her-to rely on myself and sister that we can help her out when she got into trouble.  She would be dead many years ago if my sister or I wasn't around.  Should we be more forceful to get her to get help sooner? Yeah.  So I am angry at myself about that.  I'm angry at my aunt who was a nurse who enabled my moms attitude and didn't help try to get her to get help, while having the audacity to try to get involved in family situations and made it worse.  Cleaning up her mess on top of my moms' is something I still hold against her.  

I'm angry at a lot of things that have derailed my dreams and plans, but I'm especially angry at myself.  I let this happen.  I've been the one holding the door for everyone else expecting a thanks or the same to happen.  I wasn't looking out for me, but for others.  This is what has landed me where I am.  I should have put myself above others.  I have a perfectionist attitude that had me try to do right for me and everyone else, but in the end everyone got theirs and I got nothing what I wanted.  

I need to be selfish, I need to be mean and nasty to get my goals and dreams achieved.  I need to be me.  I need to stop worrying about what others feel about me and those who try to suppress me when I want to do things my way.  The "hey, be yourself, but don't and be nice" people.  Those who can't seem to handle or understand my agenda is most likely right, and if you do things my way it will be ok.  These people are the ones who try to sabotage me and try to be condescending to me to make me feel retarded.   I need to stop asking and start saying what I want.  I shouldn't back up be stand my ground ready to either to kick some ass or get my ass kicked, and be ok with that.  

There, I feel better.  Also, this shows I'm an expert at many things.  Hell, this is cheaper than therapy.

My open challenge to you people who love to tell me to "Just get a new job".

It's no surprise I'm not happy at my job. I don't hide it.  I am getting tired of people and loved ones saying "just get a new job then" in a condescending tone, a tone that says to me they think I'm :

A. Retarded and don't know what I'm doing

B. Lazy

Well, to the loved ones and those who have told me this irritating line, I have a challenge for you.  Since apparently it's so easy to get a job in this economy-jobs are THROWN to people, here's my challenge to you.  I'll give you me resume and cover letter. And you have one week to get me a job offer where the job:

A. Has a minimum salary of $35,000

b. Isn't retail or security job.

Hey it's so simple these days right? I'm the retard who doesn't know what he's doing, right?   Well it's time to put up or shut the fuck up.  I'm busting my ass sending resumes out to anyone and everyone, and trying to talk to people on LinkedIn, which seems pointless but trying.  I'm trying not to fall for the scam job ads, trying all I can to better myself despite everything going on And everyone who is sabotaging me improving myself.  But it's SO EASY TO GET A NEW JOB!!!! Right guys and gals.  Then fucking prove it.  

 

The one failure I fixed this week

I pulled my car out of the garage this week and hit the right side mirror, breaking the mirror itself.  Luckily the housing and motor inside were fine aside from a few scratches on the housing.  The mirror glass was done.  Had to drive like that for the day, which was a really frightening thing to do.   

When I got home, I looked online for prices on the glass itself.  I didn't know if I could get just the glass or would I need the entire housing.  After a quick google search, found the glass mirror piece I was looking for via Amazon.  Luckily it was cheap, with shipping and taxes about $27.  I got upgraded shipping to get it sooner and maybe handled better.   

It arrived and had instructions.  I already looked at videos and read how to do it online, so I had a good idea what to do.  I got home from work last night, and since it was still somewhat light out I decided to swap the glass.  Overall it was easy, aside from some minor delays/complications but those were more me doing this the first time.  Everything is in and works, and now I can drive safely.

With all the failures and stress I've experienced the last couple weeks, it was good to get a little boost in my confidence, even if it was a microscopic one.

How my cover letter looks

When I am applying to a job online, I use this type of cover letter.  I am curious to get some feedback on it: 

Greetings,

Long story short, I am a hungry man who is working as a security guard right now to pay the bills.  I am looking for a new job where my skills are used, where I will not be bored, and where I am appreciated much more than just "a body" at the front door greeting people and watching out for people stealing.  My current job does not stimulate me, and I want to get back into a job where I am challenged.

What do I bring to the table?  My current job has me stationed in a boutique jewelry and fine silver store on Madison Avenue.  I am familiar with high-end products and the quality and value they have.  Before this job, my experiences took me through some interesting positions.  From each job, I gained a wealth of knowledge and skills that are perfect for this job.  Let me go through some of my main skills:

1. Communication-from talking on the phone, to electronic means, I know how to keep a professional demeanor and attitude when talking to someone.  Customer service was one of the main priorities in the Insurance industry.  From explaining to people why certain forms are not completed correctly, to calming down someone who is nervous about a letter the received and explaining to them what it means, to negotiation with medical providers or lawyers medical billing issues-sometimes in the tens of thousands of dollars- you need to keep professional and positive to make sure all the important Information and issues are communicated and eventually resolved as best they can.  

2. Organization-When one is put in charge of hundreds of case files, both newer and old, you have to be able to keep things neat and organized.  Not only in the files themselves but also in the work space you perform your duties.  Along with keeping a desk organized and neat, I was once a part of a group whose job was to make sure all office pantries and conference rooms were clean, tidy, and when outside catering was involved, properly set up and taken down.  A neat work space is an efficient work space.  I always make sure wherever I work, it's organized and clean in a way so I can accomplish my workflow as fast and complete as possible.

3. Sensitivity-When I am working with someone's personal data, I take great strides to make sure that the information is kept private and handled with the utmost respect.  These days with different frauds and identity theft, it is more important than ever to make sure sensitive and personal information is kept as secure as possible.  In my current work, I am sometimes trusted with sensitive information or products to ensure all is kept safe and only those who need to access it are allowed to.

I keep reading over your (insert Jon board/site name) ad, and I get more excited about it, and I would love to talk to you to get to know more about this position.  This position sounds like just the work I need to feel that hunger and stimulation I am craving for.

Thank you for your time reading this.

Being The Reliable One: A Blessing and a Curse

"Oh, you're so reliable" 

"I'm glad how you are the reliable one". 

I have heard that crap for so long.  It's nice to be recognized, but it feels like a back-handed compliment.  Sure you get kudos and the "atta boy!", which I admit makes me feel a little good and makes the BS I did worth it.  But in the end you rarely get moved up in rank or in pay, yet the others around you who are the "free spirits" do.

I'm wired to be the one who always shows up early (15-30 minutes before the agreed on time), I am the one who always does the job, I am the one who will help others out when needed.  Why? THATS WHAT I DO!!!  I've had this engrained in me since I was a child, and I can't change it.  It wouldn't feel right.

Look at your family, your job, your friends, and you'll see either you are one of the reliable ones or not.  The reliable ones are like me: get there on time, do what has to be done just because they do that.  The others are the ones that show up late, screw around, and are unpredictable when it comes to if they will show up next time or not.  What pisses me off is the others are the ones that get moved up or rewarded for their nonsense. 

Like I said earlier, I am the one who get to where I am supposed to go to (work, family/friend matter, etc.) 15-30 minutes early.  I want to make sure I am there on time, delays won't make me late, and surprises at where I am going can be fixed before the time of the event.  There are others who will show up late due to being unprepared or not caring about being on time, get overwhelmed with any unforeseen complexities or problems, and do at best a half-assed job.  To me, this crap is an insult to everyone else and shows lack of class.  But these are the people who "get ahead in life".

Another point that irritates me is that the other people will at the very last minute call out of work or an obligation they agreed to for no reason, leaving people like me with more work to do.  Or the other people will go away for a week on a vacation they planned two days before.  Again, screwing over the reliable people.  I would never do this crap just because I feel like it.  Any time I took a day off at work was always for some medical reason, family emergency, or a matter that had to be dealt with.  I think I only have taken one "mental health day" in my entire career.  I plan vacations weeks, even months ahead and tell my job when I am going, so they are ready and there's less headaches for me.  But again,  the lesser "other people" get ahead somehow.   

Are reliable people taken advantage of, absolutely.  Their assets are their greatest faults, myself included in this.  But the thing is that reliable people are usually assets needed, and could leverage it into more money or better positions, but usually they won't until they absolutely have to.  I know, I have and can say I probably in that position.  We can't screw others over and use our position of being the linchpin holding everything together.  Why?  It's not in us, it's not in our genes.  Many like me just aren't built to do that, as much as we want to.

Occasionally, you get rewarded, but it's more short term, almost just enough to keep you going type things.  It's almost never a raise or bonus.  That's for the screw ups in the other category.  

I envy the other people sometimes, where they don't care and somehow things work out.  I wish I could be as careless as them, but it's not in me.  What is in me is a focus to make sure what I need is done and help others when needed.   

THATS WHAT I DO

In short, being the reliable one in anything; blessing that it gets things done, a curse where you are always asked to do all the work and they know you will.  It's a habit that is almost impossible to break from. 

Thanks for for reading this  

I am an expert

I call myself an expert.  What am I an expert of?  Well, it doesn't matter what I am an expert of.  I know I am the foremost expert on the life of Peter Marus, and I write and publish about that subject, so therefore I am an expert. 

Today in the media, there are many "experts", many who spout off their "knowledge" on a subject in a somewhat cohesive and intelligent sounding manner.  Many of these experts are frauds who can sell themselves as something more than what they really are.  Many are the experts who have an alphabet soup of degrees and accomendations that sound like they know something.  Problem is that these types of experts are usually only experts behind the walls of academia, where they know theories, and can hide behind them to give them some credibility, but they have no clue how the "real world" works.  In the "real world", their supposed theories sometimes never pan out.

Experts are the rule setters, the policy makers, the ones who the ignorant, confused, or scared go to for advice.  Sometimes they do know what they are talking about.  Sometimes they have no clue.  What one has to do is step back and figure out how much truth is in this expert advice.  

Want to know how many "experts" there are, and how sound any advice is that they give?  Search on any subject, and look at the first page of articles that come up in your search engine.  I promise you that of the ten or so articles from "experts", eight contradict each other, one is native advertising posing as advice but pimping a product (another major problem in the search for truth) , and one is an article taking the advice from the first eight and rewriting it as a list of ideas.   It's frustrating and confusing to wade through.  It also shows that advice and expertise of one person may fit one situation, but it's not one size fits all.  

Look up resume and cover letter tips, you'll see this.  I have as I am trying to help improve my resume.  I almost am ready to give up and "wing it" on my resume!! 

So once again, I am an expert.  I should sell my expertise and make a buck off it.  Seems like everyone is these days!!!  Check out LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter for proof.

Parental struggles

The past two weeks, but it's been decades really, have been a struggle for me and my mom.  It's not a "I hate my mommy"-type, but in a deep way I do feel a little of it.  It's a struggle with her health.  

My mom recently fell and hurt herself really bad.  She suffered injuries that needed surgery.  She's still in the hospital getting better.  At first it looked straightforward: get her leg and arm fixed, go get rehab, and she'd be ok.  But something else came up: she needed surgery to repair blocked blood flow in her other leg.  This led to what first seemed like a stubbed toe to a bad infection, which will lead to her losing a toe.  She had the bypass procedure to fix the blood flow, and the other part is soon.  

All through this, I've had a ton of thoughts going through my head.  First obviously is my mom and her health, and she getting better.  Then came up in my head is money.  How much will insurance cover and what will have to be paid out by us.  I'm not too worried about that, but I make no money to help pay out anything if needed, and that bothers and worries me.  

Again, my faith came up.  I thought how twisted is God.  He had my mom break bones to end up in the hospital to find out this serious matter with her leg.  This goes to all the other times she's been put in bad situations to have a serious issue dealt with.  God works in mysterious ways indeed, though I question his doing.  It also makes me angry.  Why hurt her to get her better, with cancer and now this?  Is this all something to bring us back to the flock? Is this something to punish me or make me see something in not, or punish her for something?  You are told not to question God's work, but I am. 

Theological questions aside, I also see what's true to me now: when your parents get older, the roles of parent and child switch.  The child takes care of the parent as the parent took care of the child.  I've felt this for some time, but this time brings it more to light.  

Back to my anger:  I feel some to my mom.  She doesn't get help until it's critical.  She's only got her diabetes and blood pressure under control because she almost died from them.  She only found out about her cancer due to, again, she almost died from it.  She didn't get this leg thing treated until it was found out due to another thing happened.  She said she had a stubbed toe that wasn't healing and part of it was from this problem.  I don't believe her when she says she didn't feel anything bad with her leg before all this.  

She has a fear of doctors, and she lets it almost kill her, and my sister and I have had to pretty much save her life several times.  Every time this had to happen, I fear luck will run out and I would not have her around anymore.  And for all that I feel some anger to her.  There have been talks to her about it, and it did lead her to seeing a doctor,  but it gets to be same old, same old.  It pisses me off.  

I can't control her.  I can't just drag her to help, though I almost have had to literally.  I can't accept the lack of control.  I also feel bad feeling these things.  A child shouldn't have anger in their hearts for their parents, but I do have some.

But this shouldn't be about me, it should be about getting her better.  I will say one thing about me: it seems God doesn't want me to move forward.  Any time I start to make a move forward-job searching, moving forward with my girlfriend, something to better my life-God chooses to strike down my mom with something to bring things to a halt.  Maybe God wants me to stay as a shitty security guard, and live a life I feel is so beneath me.  

Again, this isn't about me, but about her.  At the end of all this, I want and need her better for me and my sister.  That's the most important thing.