by Peter Marus

I know that I have said that this time of year sucks for me, but for some reason the past few days seemed to magnify the suckyness. Between my dad's anniversary, the idea that this is the time where he would be getting the house together and I miss that tradition, and just the workload getting higher and higher at work, it's just taking a toll on me. I”m just feeling run down and just really out of it. What really sorta put all this in the forefront was what has happened the past couple days, one thing that came out of nowhere and I was totally not ready for to handle. This should all pass soon, and I'm trying to keep my head in a positive attitude. Friday nigh I am going out to hang with people who I have really grown to appreciate for their friendships, so that could help put me in a better mood. I'm sure a couple of them are reading this, so know what I just wrote there I really mean and I am thankful for you for putting up with my bullshit, and not treat me like a “tag along” with my cousin.

Another thing I have noticed, I have a hard time watching a lot of the kid's Christmas specials I used to watch as a kid (or at least as best I could with that giant cloud in front of me called Cataracts). I know, grown up men without kids shouldn't watch these programs, and if they do it's to fucking creepy, but what's wrong with a little nostalgia. I have probably touched on this in the past, but more and more I have noticed that whenever one of these specials come on TV, I either make it a point to avoid it, or try to watch it and have to “tap out” after a couple minutes. For some stupid reason, when I watch these shows, I get a feeling of sadness and uncomfortableness that I have to stop watching. It's like the same uneasiness I get whenever I try to talk to people about how it was like when I had Cataracts. If anyone who has tried to talk to me about that, you know how antsy I get, I get douche chills, and eventually I do all I can to change the subject. There's a lot about the subject that I don't like to talk about, I don't know why, it just bugs the hell out of me. So as a result of that, kids specials on TV from my youth aren't “must see” in my life. Should be interesting if I ever have kids and have to endure these specials with them.

Ok on a different note: I”m going to try some different things, try to make things more diverse in my life. Should try some new drinks this weekend, just to keep away from straight “beer, beer, beer” I usually do. maybe I'll try some Jagermeister again. tried it years ago, and I want to try it again. Hopefully it won't drive me bat-shit insane type of drunk. Then again the last night I went out and there were shots involved, I saw a guy down shot after shot, and as fine as he seemed when he left, he wasn't when he got home (wrote about it a few months ago).