by Peter Marus

I don't get it with companies. I apply to several different companies and not one responds. I'm talking after a week or two, beyond the standard email saying "thanks for applying to our company..." I call these people up to see if they had gotten my application/resume, and most act like they aren't even hiring. This is the part of the job search I find incredibly frustrating. It doesn't help i'm impatient, but it still really bothers me that I take the time to apply to a postition, and I never hear back. If I were to continue to call and ask, that could put my in a worse situation for the job. Along with this, I'm suck of the "you're under/over qualified" crap. The most irritating part of this is when the person I am being interviewed by keeps complimenting me on my stuff on the resume, then says he won't hire me for the position I'm there for and he'll "send my resume right to the department where I would be a much better fit in." This also goes along with the question "why are you applying for this postition?" this is one of the worst loaded questions out there...if you answer it one way, you can come off as cocky. If you answer it another way, you can come off as desperate. I'm at the point where I answer it like this: "I am here for the position because this is one of the few available jobs in this current state of the economy that I am qualified for." May not be the best answer, but this is how I feel and he can't call me out on it's honesty.

Funny part was I was thinking of posting my resume up here just in case one of the few people who happen to read my rambling, pointless, BS happens to have a position I can fill and see the awesome qualifications I have, and I'm sure some of you that read this have many colorful postitions you'd like to put me in!!! maybe I will post it one day, but maybe I won't.

Did you ever feel that you have the power to makeotherpeople happy, but for some reason you can't make yourself "happy"? I don't know, it seems that I have this gift. I tend to make other people happy everyday, if by making them smile, laugh, doing things for them, or feel better about themselves. Don't get me wrong, I am glad I can do that, but for some reason, I don't feel "happy". I do feel good a lot, but not "happy" (by this i mean that I feel good about myself for a sustained period of time). Recently this has started to change, but no matter what I always have that slight feeling that I may fail at something ir screw it up. I like to think that in order to be happy, I have to conguer this small feeling, and I'll be happy. Like I said, recent things that have happened in my life have started to change this mindset i've been in for a while, and hopefully this changes sooner than later, cause the past few days I've felt a hell of a lot better about myself and hope it doesn't end soon.

This mindset of the fear of failure in the back of my mind though I feel has sabotaged my attempted successes. The only way I can describe this is: did you ever do something that turned something you were doing bad, but you only realize what you did wrong soon after everything goes wrong? That's what I mean by "sabotage". I've been on countless interviews where I said or did something that later I realize I made a bad move and may have killed my chances of getting that job. I"ve also felt that when talking to the ladies, or doing some things in general. It sucks haveing this mindset, and I think it's one of those thing that just seem to stop, or I do something right to make me feel confident. I never really felt really confident about myself most of my life, due to being shy from being "different" with my cataracts and ankle problems. I was thankful to have friends and people in my life that were able to look past that and that has helped, but still they were the minority. Right now, this has started to change dramaticly, almost to the point where I just don't care what happens (don't know how good this is, but I feel better) with what I do or say. It is a real refreshing feeling, and the only way I would be able to dothings like write things like this for others to see.

Now for something totally different. Tomorrow I get to shave my head and face, been 5 days since I did that and it also didn't help I had a sunburn on my head and face, and I am getting bushy. If some of you saw me right now, you wouldn't think that about my head, but being a guy who usually shaves his head every 2-3 days, I feel like I have the long hair I had in High School and part of college!!!!