by Peter Marus

Ah what a weekend. I spent Friday night at the Bohemian Beer Garden in Astoria with some friends and family. It's a large outdoor space in an Octoberfest setup-rows of benches, standing areas, beer by the pitcher, grill, and a stage area, We got there and it was packed. We were lucky to get a spot to stand and put our beers. We spent the night just hanging out and bullshitting, drinking pitcher after pitcher of beer. I lost my voice at the end of the night since the place is surrounded by concrete walls, and with over 700 people there, the sound is intense and I had to almost scream to talk. The highlight of the night was this chick that came up to one of my friends and started talking to him. After a few minutes of trying to give the dummy the hint he was taken, she didn't really care as she said she was married and her man was out somewhere else (seeing how this slob looked, I bet this guy was watching “Sex and the City”, if you get my drift). A few moments later, her two friends came over. I couldn't tell who was the cockblocker, since all three would have fit the bill. So after several minutes of having fun entertaining with these morons (which would have been the most action they got-there was a circle of clear space around them like they were guy repellant), we leave and go home. The Beer Garden is a cool spot in the summer time as long as you get their early, so if you visit the City, hop on the N or W train to lovely Astoria and check the place out. It is a nice place to bring a date for an evening, which in reality is something that wont' really be happening with me in a while. I'll get back to this statement after I write about Saturday night.

Saturday night was the big party for a friend. It was a gimmick party, which I hate-just have a fucking party for God's sake!!! Anyway I went as Stone Cold Steve Austin (party's gimmick was celebrities from the 60s-now). Most of the other costumes were cool, and much better than mine-then again they actually put work into theirs. I'm just glad I got rid of the mustache and back to just the bottom half again. Anyway the birthday boy is Gay, and he loves to try to shock the “straights”-nothing wrong with it, that's how he is and it is funny a lot of the time. His room has pictures of various men in various positions. Well he decided that he would put straight hardcore porn on the TV in his room. So his room was the physical example of the “eternal struggle” of life (hey think about it-it will make sense when it hits you). Anyway the usual crew was at this party, along with the birthday boy's friends and family. His sister...wow what a woman. She is quite unique and is as the opposite of the birthday boy as possible. Meeting her did also raise thoughts certain psychological theories as to the birthday boy's family and how he got to where he is now, thats as best as I can put it. It was a good time overall, and the birthday boy apparently has enough Jager to survive on if the bomb drops. One of the real highlights for me was “Shaft/pimp” just having me almost rolling on the floor laughing. I'm not joking when I say this, but the dude could be a comedian if he wanted to, he was that damn funny.

This is where I go back to the last statement I said in my story about Friday. The statement about me not thinking Ill have any dates for a while wasn't made to be self-deprecating, it's more of a fact. Simply put I can be a lot of work and an obnoxious ass that can be just as nice to someone as absolutely brutal. Some have said I can be a lot of work to first to get to know and also to stay around. As I said this isn't being said to put myself down, I can see where they are coming from. I don't know the basis as to why I am like this, but it's how it is. Seems like the women that tend to be around me or those that tend to gravitate to me seem to have something “off” about them, or are simply batshit crazy. this isn't a bad thing, we all have our quirks, just seems a lot of the quirks don't really jive with mine.

That's the big thing more than anything: most women I have met and dated have not been able to put up with me and some of the bullshit (in their view), and that's how things fall apart. Sometimes it's just they find that their career gives them more results and joy than dealing with me, or they think they can handle all I got, but when they start digging deeper, they quit since the work seems to be a tad overwhelming. Now mind you, I'm on he other side of the fence doing my thing and handling all she is throwing at me, either accepting whatever it is, or simply trying to figure out what there is that can be done to make it beneficial for both sides.

BTW this is what cause the downfall of my last big deal thing with a woman-she absolutely non-negotiable on how things with her in her life, and thing had to revolve around her and what she had to deal with, which I tried but found that to be really unhealthy that almost led me to not talking to several friends and my cousin and I had a real rough time talking. Then again she was the one who did lie about how things will be different and she will work to do her part to make things work because e had apparently had a lot we agreed on in life......well I guess not since we were on two different ends of the spectrum. Listen, she had some serious things going on in her life, I can't deny that. But at the same time, who doesn't? I had about 5 different vultures hanging around me all that time waiting to shit on my head with my job and family issues, but at the same time I knew that there are other things one should focus on, and this person was one of the few purely positives things in my life so why not try put the work in to make it as best as it could be, and I thought it was the same with her. Oh well, I guess I was wrong. And for whatever interested parties that sill read this since they “agree with my point of view on life”-yeah that's my side of the story and I got others that will backup whatever I have said since they did see me actually do what I did to make things better. Also, I don't have a near breakdown in front of my friends/family over a lie.

Anyway between that and just seeing how many women in this world have turned into this swarm of shallow, materialistic, parasites, it's really caused me to really stop with the idea of dating and made my outlook on the whole dating thing really negative. That's partly why around women I may look a little uncomfortable, but it's more like I'm just more “I seriously don't need to deal with you right now.” I am sure it's the worst possible way to think, and it's probably that whole “wall” thing people seem to believe that I have put up to stop me from getting hurt, but there is something damaged right now with me when it comes to the relationship thing. I can at least admit that. that's again why I am really glad my friends aren't the ones who try to hook me up with people they know, I don't want to be a reason of tension between them if something goes wrong. No I'm not thinking negative, I'm looking at myself in as rational of terms/thought processes as I can. I am not sure what can be done as far as fixing, other than maybe just time I guess.