by Peter Marus

I saw the funniest thing today…a midget with a mullet. I see this midget with the most redneck-looking mullet (hockey player has less stupid looking mullets.) The little fella was getting out of his car, where I saw he had broomsticks to help hit the pedals. I kept thinking, “What happens if the stick breaks or if the stick slides off the pedal?” I wouldn’t want to be in the car in front of him, where one moment there’s a midget with his huge head driving behind me, holding the wheel with his sausage like fingers, next thing you don’t see him and his hands flailing as his car comes barreling at you as he tries to reach the stick used for the brake.

So after he gets out of his car, he closes the door and waddles around to the sidewalk. And he tries to go into a store, and his head just reaches the handle to the door. He reaches up to pull on the handle, when some dude opens the door and hits him in the head. The midget falls and the first thing that came to my mind was “How was the guy going to walk when his already huge head is going to be swollen, he’s going to be like a inflatable clown punching toy!!!” The midget tried to get up, but his little legs and arms had a hard time pushing his body up with his head on the ground. To top it all of, the guy who hit the midget with the door say’s “sorry kid, didn’t see you there little guy.” The midget gets up and with his fat pudgy hand, swings right in front of him, and lands a perfect shot to the other guy’s nuts and walked away with mullet flowing in the wind. The guy falls and was holding his left arm like he was having a heart attack while his right hand grabbed his nuts.

Why is it that getting hit in the nuts sends the pain to your left arm like and you look like you’re having a heart attack???? Between the face of pain, the falling on the floor, and the “I can’t breathe”, you can’t really tell the difference. I’m afraid to see someone having a heart attack now, probably start laughing thinking the guy got hit in the nuts. If I saw my dad like this, I may make the mistake and tell him “Well wear a cup next time!!”