by Peter Marus

Today was a real eye-opener. Something happened today that really gave a shock to my system. It's something that has happened in the past a few times, but when it does it really just shocks me. I'mnot going into what actually happened, since it's really none of your business. What happened today is something that really made me realize how fragile my situation is. Sure I have a job and I have benefits and all. But my salary really isn't enough to live on my own in NYC. If I were to move out into my own place, even a studio, after rent, utilities and all the stuff, I need to pay for to get to and form work I wouldn't have enough for food or any savings. So right now I am waiting to see how my job thing pans out and see if there's more money coming my way, otherwise the idea of looking for a better job has to be explored. i”m not giving any major thought into it yet, but there is a lot of factors about what my skills are as far as a new job. As I said I am not close to looking yet, but it isn't totally out of the question. Then again I am trying not to let the whole situation totally take over my life. I”m just going ot keep on keeping on and see what I can do and what comes from things. Hell all I probably need is help budgeting my money more for all I know!

Before I get into something that has been pissing me off about other people when it comes to me, let me just say that if you aren't watching the show “Shark” on CBS, you're missing a great show. First it stars James Woods, one of the coolest motherfuckers around. Second, it's a well written show where they really make James Wood's assholeness shine. If you get a chance Tivo the show, it's really a good watch.

Now onto something that people tell me that really grates on me. Some people claim they know who I am and that what I write here isn't the truth... Do ya? Do ya know me? How is it that someone knows me? Is it because they talk to me and hang out with me all the time? People who have thought they knew me would try to do things thinking they could predict how I would react. I can tell you right here that when someone tries that, they lose and they lose big. Hell I think one of those losers still reads this and can't get past me, probably because the pain of losing someone that was so goddamn awesome is a tough pill to swallow. Funny part is that if it is who I may think it is (I won't just make assumptions since I have been known to have broken several hearts), I did give her a couple more chances but her self sabotaging attitude did screw it up, since the first time around was going well, but too well for her apparently. See, when one just thinks they know all about me, they try to control me; I hate people trying to control me. But the thing is these people who do try to control me only see part of the picture that is me. If I feel as if someone is going to try to control me, I'll make sure that what I do is the complete opposite or different so that it makes their lives a living hell, just to teach them a lesson. The best way I can describe it is through a quote wrestler Roddy Piper always said: “Just when you think you got all the answers, I change the questions.”