I had a weird experience tonight. I was watching a dog show and for some reason I almost broke down and cried. I had to leave the room for a little bit and I came back and changed the station. This happened again while watching a “puppy Chow” commercial. All I kept thinking of was my old dogs and how much work they required to stay healthy. I also thought of how useless I was in helping them. I for some reason kept thinking that if I were to take care of them by myself, they would have been in worse position because I wouldn’t be able to afford the medical care. And seeing the eyes of the dogs/puppies on the screen reminded me of the eyes of my dogs, and how they looked at me like ”you’ll help me, won’t you?” It just tore my heart apart and almost caused me to break down. This also is the same feeling I occasionally seeing a small child. I realized this could just be from all the bad feelings in my head from all having no job and I can’t support myself. I think I am a strong person, but only strong when I don’t have to be relied on by other people to help. It would break my heart if someone looked to me to help them and I couldn’t, that’s what I felt tonight seeing all those dogs/puppies. I am just rambling on now just to get this out of my head
On a brighter side, I’ve been listening to XM’s Internet stream (I get a free 30-day trial through Dell). First, it sucks having a dialup connection when the feed has to rebuffer often, but the channels they offer on their site (half of what’s on their system) is impressive. I can’t wait to get the receiver setup (which won’t happen for at least another week).