by Peter Marus

I am writing this around 3 in the afternoon on my day off. I took the day off to go see Dad, which I did this morning with my mom and sister. Nothing too exciting happened, everything was fine up there. It still sucks anytime I go up there, but it's something that has to be done. The only thing that really sucked was that there usually a guy there selling stuff to put on the grave sites (flowers and stuff like that), but not when we got there. SO needless to say I felt like a tool showing up with nothing. Guess I have to go up there sometime before Christmas to put something on there.

I really hate the fact hat he died this time of year. It sucks because first off it just puts a damper on the holidays, and doesn't' help that I tend to get a bit down in the later months of the year, but also the fact hat my dad loved this time of year. He enjoyed getting the entire house set up for the holidays, and the week before christmas, he would take off to really make sure the house was ready. the house now doesn't' look nearly as good now when I set stuff up, not that I don't think it's good enough, but my dad had a way to make everything look right. I don't nearly go all out as my dad did, my mom doesn't want it either, so I just keep it simple

Other that that I am trying to keep myself busy today and not fall into the habit of thinking and driving myself nuts. I finally got around to making my lists of who gets gifts and who gets cards this year. Helps that I have a computer file with the addresses o who gets cards and their addresses. I find this stuff annoying, but if I am debating to do something like I did last year as far as my gifts to people. I got a week or so to really figure that out I also went to the bookstore to look around and ended up buying a bunch of books to read over time. Now I'm just writing this, and later I”ll probably go clean up my model truck I plan on selling. exciting stuff, huh?

I've noticed I've been doing a lot of writing lately. Not just this thing, but also emails to some people. Like last night I wrote two huge emails. One was to a friend to explain a couple things to her about why I do what I am doing, and that as much as I appreciate her opinion on certain things going on in my life, I know what I am doing, and her conclusions/thoughts are wrong. the other email was to someone I actually tried calling last night, but instead of leaving her a long ass message on her machine and clogging it up with my ramblings, I left a quick “hi” and then after hanging up, I chose to write my ramblings in the form of an email. It was more of a venting thing since I had a lot on my head after having a shitty week up until last night. So i've been doing a lot of writing and stuff.

Now the question is, do people get what the hell I am talking about, or just look at this blog as the ramblings of a madman....but I feel good after writing an entry so that's all I care about. I was thinking about having whoever read this post a couple questions they got about me and I'd answer them, but I'm not totally sure if I am, plus I am nervous on what you al would even ask me!! still if you want to post a couple and I'll see what I can do.