by Peter Marus

I tend to get a lot of emails from people from their job email accounts. Most of the time they are professionally done, including a signature that some also include a closing remark and their name. this could be “Thanks, (name)” or some other form of that, or “have a nuce day”, or something along with their name. I have nothing against these other than it sorta feels a little less personal than something written by the emails' author. Another thing that sorta bugs me is how happy or positive they are, and sometimes the last thing I need is something cheerful to read that's not even directed to me personally. I was thinking of some others maybe you all would like to use, just to set a mood with your emails. Here are some that I came up with:

“I hope you die”
“Hope you are Brutally beaten and/or raped by a large colored gentleman”
“Hoping this email has a virus attached to it that is a computer's version of AIDS”
“May that lump turn out to be inoperable cancer”
“Hoping you commute home involves you, a drunk driver, and a fiery wreck”
“Hoping your kid is found like Adam Walsh”
“Hope you are arrested and fired after all the child porn that is being downloaded since you opened this email is found on your hard drive”
“May all your children have that special extra chromosome”
“Praying the only positive in your day today is that test result from your doctor”
”May your family find you in the garage swinging gently back and forth”
“Hope your company's stock price plummets due to your sheer incompetence as a business person”
“Hope you are not distracted reading this email by the back of your intern, and the back of his head banging the bottom of your desk, where he is 'earning that college credit'”