by Peter Marus

I don't know how to start this entry, so I'm just going to go into it. Today I've had something on my mind for a good part of it. I was talking to someone on the computer and one's goals in the next five years came up. I was asked what were mine, and I honestly couldn't give an answer. I really don't have set goals for that far off. Mostly because I don't believe in having blinders on that is set on a goal. To me, doing that can make one not see what else is out there, possibly something special. It's also to me kind of selfish of one to have goals and focus solely on them, especially to a point where you shut out others and just be an asshole to those who one perceives to get in the way of their goal. It is nice to have a goal, don't get me wrong, just to commit yourself so strongly to it is something that I feel hurts a person in the long run. I respect those who do it, provided that they understand the consequences of having such a commitment. Nothing drives me more crazy when someone sets themselves up to do something and focus so strongly on that thing, then bitch and moan that they missed so many other things around them. Maybe it's just me, but if one chooses to do something and make that their sole objective, that tells me that objective or goal is the only thing that matters, and everything else means shit to them, and whatever passes them by should not be regretted. If it is, then thats on them to deal with the regret.

I don't have long term goals, I usually go by year-to-year. I do that because things are more tangible, and it's more controllable. I also do that because I find that doing things in small chunks in the long term leads up to having a lot done in the end. So seeing that the end of the year is close, I thought I would write down some of the goals I have for the next year.

1.Get a tattoo: I have said that a few times already. I already have the image picked out, and I'm going to scan it in a computer to firs put up here to show you, but also possibly send it out to the guy I”m thinking of going to and see how much it'll cost. Also planning on saving up a bunch of money since I have no clue how much it's gong to cost me. The wheels are in motion, and it will happen. somewhere: Not sure when I am going, possibly out west to see some people. I also plan on going to DC at least once to see some family, and possibly take in a Mets game. I also would like to hit some other cities on the East coast, just to get out there. Also maybe take a trip out to God's Country, State College, PA, and see the old alma mater. more money: First because I have to be able to pay for all this shit!!! Second, just to try to stop some of the impulse buying. I have plans on buying one big thing, a new R/C car after I sell the one I have now, but beyond that I have no big purchases planned.
4.just get my shit together: By this I mean just get myself over one big fear I have, which I wrote about recently (look at the entry about what keeps me up at night). Also try to get myself over the fear of ending up alone, which is stupid since in reality I shouldn't need anyone to depend on, but for some reason I feel as if I couldn't function if every person in my life-family, friends-would walk out on me right now.

These are the goals I do have for 08. I plan on meeting most of them, but if I don't I won't sit here sad or angry at everyone in my life just because I fell short. There is one sort of Ironic thing about my last goal. My mentality is that I have a mindset that if anyone doesn't back up what they say, flat out lie to me, try to change me and compromise my trust, Bye...nice knowing you. Most of the people I have met in my life have either taken advantage of my trust, or talked a whole lot of talk, but when I call them out on it, they fold and suddenly expect me to just accept that they lied to me. I've had people tell me to be myself and thats all they want from me, then when they see how I am, they either get upset at me and then try to force me to change for them, and even have the balls to tell me that me acting like myself is selfish. I don't have a lot of friends, in fact my “circle of friends” don't even make a circle, but I rather have a small amount of people who are cool with me and how I am, rather than a ton of people who are bullshitting me or only partly accept me. Take me for who I am, or just piss off. It's that simple.

Finally, see the small map on the side of the page here? It's a site that tracks where people are that read this blog. Don't worry, it's not tracking you in an intrusive way, just showing where people have read my blog. Apparently my stupidity is going worldwide!!! It's something I find interesting to see, and nice to know what I am doing here is potentially helping others and impacting lives around the country and the world. Thank you all for reading this.