by Peter Marus

I got the most annoying question asked to me by my mom today: “What do you want for your birthday?” I hate that question because I don't' want or need anything for my birthday. I mean there are things I would like, but those things are things other people really can't get for me and i have to do myself, or I wont' ask for them because it bothers me that people spend money on me (I'm like this during Christmas time as well). Since I am talking about my Birthday (8/29), I am in a bit of a dilemma This year it falls right in the middle of the week, so with the weekend before or after are the only times I could really party if I am doing that. For those who have ideas in their heads, know that the 25th is out of the question, since I am going to Forboro, Mass. That day to see a soccer game. Even the 24th is iffy since the 25th I have to be in midtown to get the bus I'm going on at 1pm. The weekend after my birthday is Labor Day weekend, and I may be going to DC to see some family on that Sunday, but that's still up in the air. Hopefully this week I can figure that all out.

There is something funny about insecure people. The ones I am talking about are the ones who do a hell of a lot to put up a mask, via their attitude or physical apperence. They want to cover-up how much they are scared and so unsure of themselves. These are the people who work out for pure vanity purposes, and are not afraid to brag about how much they work out. If you work out as well and tell these people that, they will make sure that you know that they are working out harder than you like it's a damn competition. Another example is these people make sure they look impeccable, well-kept at all times. Then they will tell you over and over how much they spent of their wardrobe and stupid shit like that.

First off if you are one of these people, you sound like a douche, and it's not hiding how insecure you are. Second, pray someone doesn't call you out on all your talk, because most of the time you will be proven to be a jackass and whatever self-esteem you had goes away. Vanity means nothing, and the more emphasis is put on it, the more it becomes clearer how much of a bullshit artist you are trying to be. If you can't be happy with who you are, that's truly pathetic. One is who they are for a reason, and if you aren't happy with yourself, why bother living? If your life revolves around pleasing others before yourself and what you believe in, get out of my life and go bother someone else. Actually, I want some of you to still be around: I need someone to laugh at when you're crying like a little bitch because you got called out and you fucked up and proved you are nothing. It is quite comical watching them crumble in front of you when you stand firm and tell then to stop talking all the talk and start to do the walk. The sheer satisfaction I get now when I find them out is amazing. I've had a lot of experience with people like this, and all of them are out of my life, and if they think I'm an asshole for just dropping them like a bad habit, that's their problem.

One thing that has popped up: people recently mention to me I've seem to become some sort of a jerk or an asshole. Funny, I don't' think I changed, I've been how I am now the same way I've been all my life. Maybe because I have been able to focus on myself more and shore up how I am has brought myself out more. But if those who haven't seen how I am now when they first met me, I guess you haven't been paying attention.

Another thing that has came up (may be in relation to my first part of this paragraph), is I seem like I don't care about a lot of things. It's not that I don't care, it's just I take things as they are, and I am waiting until things turn out how they are supposed to to see if it's worth my time to put more effort into the thing. I do tend to let things just “go” and let things work themselves out without being proactive. This is one of my reasons I could be single-where I see a pretty chick, but not say hi or do anything and just let it go. But at the same time, I am tired of trying anything and worrying about everything. It's tiring and stressful to live that way. So if I seem a little bit cold or not caring, I'm just staying back a bit to see how things in the big picture look, and if it's worth my time to pursue.