by Peter Marus

I am writing this as I am laying in bed with a bad stomach. I apparently ate something last night that didn't agree with me and I've been up pretty much since 5 this morning. I decided to stay in bed today and just watch some DVDs. This shouldn't be anything serious and should blow over today.

Yesterday I took the day off to take care of my dog who was just getting back from the vet. I spent most of the morning making sure he was getting used to the collar on his neck and he wasn't trying to get at his stitches. After that I went out and had some fun. Took in a movie and had dinner with someone and just had a good time. I was glad to do it, since this person seemed to need something fun to do with all that is going on. I was glad I was able to give this person some time. I am a little disappointed that I couldn't help this person resolve what's going on, but then again what is going on is something this person has to work on their own. I am sure this person will get through it all, and I've always told this person I'm there if needed, even if it's just to vent to.

I am sure people get pissed when I try to help them even when they don't need it, but I have this urge to help out all those I care for. I am sure that comes from me getting all the help and support I got as a young kid when I had cataracts and all the other issues I had. At the time I didn't want or need it, since the help made me feel like a freak and other kids would take the need of help as a weakness of me, but looking back at it I see that I should have (and am) thankful that someone or something had put these people in my life to help me and show me lessons that can and have made me a better man than I was before.

At this point in my life, I feel as if I should help others I care about and make their lives better. I also learned that to achieve my goals of helping others, I need to give my all to make sure that what I do to help, as well as I do in my life. If one gives all they can give in anything in their life, then there are no questions rattling and torturing you in the future. Has this need gotten me hurt? Yes. Have all the help I give not be appreciated and just used? Yes. But at the same time, in the grand scheme of life, I know that all the help I do now will be paid back to me in the future as a reward. Things happen for a reason, and if you keep yourself in a positive frame of mind and try to make things better than wallow in misery, whatever negative thing that happens will be balanced by something just as positive.

I may have said all this before, and I probably sound like a broken record, but of all the things in my life, this is one of the few things I truly believe happens. I hope that I help you by just writing all this. Now it's time to take a nap.