by Peter Marus

I’ve been trying to figure out the state of New Jersey. Sure the state has its good points. It keeps the rubes and hayseeds from northern Pennsylvania and the animals from Philadelphia at a safe distance from New York. It also gives other states a place to dump their trash. And as I learned the other day, it does have the most interesting jailbait. I thought Long Island had the trashiest jailbait, but Jersey I think has the crown on that.

But on the other hand, there is some small issues. First off is that I can only think of a few people that I can stand from Jersey. The people from the ESC that live there are for the most part good people, and the same goes for the family members that live in the state. The soccer team I like, though the team doesn’t’ recognize the state in their name, as well as the Giants. The Jets I can do without, they seemed to enjoy the perpetual “bottom”-from being the second rate team that has to rent a stadium their entire existence, to getting second rate quarterbacks throughout the history of their team, to even up until this year, they never had their own training facility-they rented out space at a university on Long Island.

As I said before there are some good people in the state, but for every good person, there are tens of thousands that aren’t. Northern NJ isn’t too bad-since their existence and population either comes form or depends on New York. Southern NJ I am not totally familiar with, but since they are close to Philly, I am guessing it’s a lot like northern NJ, just dumbed down to a point where autistic children on acid have a better intelligence and maturity level. What doesn’t help the cause of South Jersey is that they helped make Spruingsteen famous-so I rest my case.

Central Jersey is simply what everywhere else would be called one giant trailer park. It’s full of real rubes and carneys, which I have gone over in the past. Put simply, these people are the type that will smile to your face, while take several grand from a group of people while promising a ski trip. Then this same person would go as far as have his family protect his ass, citing a “nervous breakdown”, when he knew people were going to hunt him down. Or they would also use ailing family members in need as a cover for their real activities behind the backs of people who put trust in what is said and done. Like I said, real carney bullshit that is low class and would be an embarrassment for any state, but accepted and encouraged in Jersey (just look at how the state politics work).

One more strike against the state-Bon fucking Jovi. The band that killed hard rock in the 80s but smiling and led to other shit acts like Poison, Winger, Ratt, and Whitesnake to become big acts.

As you can see, I am still on the fence about the Garden State. All I know is that outside of a few things, the Earth could wallow up the state, as long as Harrison and the PATH line isn’t affected on Game day.