I have been on an interesting journey. I’ve been on a personal journey where I am looking back at a lot of what makes me who I am, and questioning many of it. It’s a complicated process, where I am trying to take the rose colored glasses off and looking at things in an honest way. Has it changed my feelings about people or things that have happened in my life? A little, but I haven’t done a 180 on many parts.

There are some things I need to speak to my family members about, which is going to be interesting. I felt it is needed because I have these questions about my family and the dynamic that changed at one point, where I feel a level of animosity about and has affected the current relationships I have.

Part of the hard feelings I have revolves around how the house I lived in for most of my life was left in such disrepair I feel a level of hatred to it and my regret fighting for it. To be honest, and I’m not wishing for it, if this house burned down today it would be the happiest day of my life. I hate it here now. I hate the neighborhood it is in. I hate feeling the fucking ghosts and vibes in this place. I come home sometimes and my mood changes for it. It affects how I am with my wife and child. It’s not a happy, healthy feeling. I want this house to go away. It’s fucking insane how I’m miserable here where I have many happy memories, which I’ve even doubted those fucking memories.

I’ll leave it at that. I am so confused and really trying to come to grips with these feelings. I am feeling what I’m doing is helping, but I’m at an early stage to resolve this feeling of miserableness.