Been a minute but was going through and doing things.

First, spent the last part of August in Florida. It was amazing and made me hate the northeast even more. I felt optimistic and positive in the sun down there, the rain was intense but I liked it. I felt better and wasn’t as depressed. I felt so good down there I started to openly cry the day we were to come home. I was so upset having to come back to this shithole neighborhood.

Second, for the past several months I have been talking to a therapist. I went because I needed to try to figure out what the fuck is wrong. After doing it for a little while, it has helped. I had a lot of feelings about my family, especially my parents, and talking about it helped me at least not feel as strongly as I did. I still am trying to solve the root causes of why I am the way I am, but I am getting there bit by bit.

My therapist suggested medication and I talked to my primary doctor about that. I have been on Lexapro for about three weeks and I think it has been working. I have felt better, though still some sadness sometimes. My anxiety and anger has gone down. I used to be a boiling cauldron of emotions but now it’s like a gently rolling boil on the stove. I get hit with some positive emotions when I do some things, like hanging out with my wife and kid. Last weekend watching my kid in swim class I felt this overpowering positive happy emotion. It felt good.

I realize I need to reconnect and stay connected to friends, that would help also with my brain. All I talk to is the people in this house and as much as I love them, they can be boring and familiarity breeds contempt.

That’s all I have now.