I have ADHD

It’s not a self-diagnosis, it’s real.

I have been in therapy for months now. I have hadi ssues with depression and anxiety for a while, and it was affecting allaspects of my life. I was worried about what would happen between my wife and myself as well as myself and my daughter. So I decieded to go into therapy. My first therapist I was assigned to suggested I try an antidepressant to help with my depression and anxiety. My primary doctor put me on Lexapro (which I am still on today). It helps, so that’s good.

After some time, the first therapist left the service I use and I was given another. This guy is totally different and I feel better for me. After a couple sessions this guy diagnosed me with ADHD since I fit a lot of the symptoms. Since then I have been working to “rewire” my brain, which is not easy.

ADHD doesn’t mean one has a “dented brain”, but more a brain that was not wired correctly. Another way to look at it is your brain is a computer and it doesn’t have the right amount of RAM, so when there is a lot of information to process, the brain slows to a crawl or shuts down completely. It’s not just issues processessing information, but also regulating your emotions and impulses. I have problems with all three. Anyone who has been around me and has seen how I act sometimes can attest to this.

SInce I have been diagnosed, I have done a lot of reading and talking to my therapist to learn new techniques and skills to better live. It has helped, but it’s also a long road to get down.

Let me explain from what I understand how by brain works and what I have been living with for some time:

-My mind is always full of thoughts, which is part of the problem and trying to focus and ignore those thoughts is something I am learning to overcome. In my head I have several conversations, I play out countless scenerios to countless situations, and fantasiaze about how I wish my life was. I also do all this at breakfast, so imagine this continuing through the day.

-I have plans, but most I don’t follow through. that’s partly why I rarely contact people. I want to but I lose track and just don’t follow through. I’m sorry for that everyone.

-I have impulse problems, and I can change at anytime. I also have anxiety when I feel I was wronged and the “fight or flight” kicks in and I react rather than respond.

-I want to do a lot of things, but my motivation isn’t there.

Right now, I feel like I am in a rebuild moment, but also I am in a moment where I am making ammends with people about how I have acted and done to them. It’s llike I’m going through the 12 steps to figure this all out.

I hope this post makes sense, it’s more me just getting something out of my head as well as making me write out how I feel about this situation. To be clear, I am not mad or anyhting. I am not mad at my parents for not getting me diagnosed when I was younger (not that it was looked for back then, and the treatments were far more archaic). I have other issues with them, which therapy helped out with. Im happy to know what it is that has caused problemsin my life and now i’m going to try to fix it