It's been a while and it has taken me some time to get some thoughts together enough that I can write something. The past couple weeks I've been interviewing for work, and as usual, I am just one in God knows how many people are looking (not to mention how many are laying in the weeds not looking but waiting for things to get better). It has been hard not to feel overwhelmed and negative about the entire station. Last week I had someone call my resume I have on this site useless since it's not "keyword" friendly. Yes, I was told that in essence I have to search engine optimize (SEO) my goddamn resume. Why? because as I have said here before, Human Resource people are useless, and rather looking at resumes to determine the right person for the open position (you know, actually DOING their job), they have their work done by a computer with a few algorithms and scripts written for it. After that meeting, I was almost in tears and felt an intense feeling in my stomach of frustration about how I feel I am the one that has screwed things up for myself and how I don't have a job now because I can't get the deal done. I felt like this part of the day, but I also was fighting with myself to get me out of that feeling. It was an intense conflict.
I have BJJ to help me stay calm, and it's helped as I have mentioned here in the past. I used to have soccer to do that. I loved going to games and hanging out beforehand, but over time that enjoyment started to wane. I used to be a negative jackass because of it and some of the people I hung around. I started to realize that is not how I should live and find better things to uplift myself. That's partly when I started to get tired of it (on top of other issues I had with the club). Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of people I still enjoy talking to and when I see them I enjoy hanging out with them. It's just some of the other people around that are the negative assholes who are just snarky and take cheap shots for no reason other than to either "live their gimmick" they are trying to live the they are "working class heroes" or just their lives are so pathetic that's the only way they feel "good." Pretty pathetic if you ask me.
As much as I'd love to go to more games but I can't get past a lot of the feelings I have about most of the "supporter culture" and many of the people involved (again, there are exceptions). It's a group of mostly guys (some girls, but usually they are with guys or several who legit like the team) who are either:
1. in a constant pissing contest to show who's the most "hardcore" supporter but how many games they've gone to or how much about the team they know and who on the team they have met. Usually this is where some of the snarkiness comes from-putting other down because they aren't as "hardcore", or being so "loyal" to "their club" that they will talk shit about anything another team does. For example, a player is here one year, on another the next, unless the player was great or the "supporters" anoint him as a "legend", that player usually has wishes of AIDS or cancer passed on him, all because he either signed with another team or the team traded him.
2. The "gimmick" guys who are the "working class", salt of the Earth people, or the European/English wannabes that make Madonna look like a legit Englishwoman. These fools talk the slang, Cosplay in their "casual" look, and just act like non-Americans because being American "isn't cool" These are the same people who "support 'til they die" teams that they never even thought of join got see in person. Hell, half of these idiots probably couldn't find the city of the team they "support SO badly" on a damn map!!! I've seen guys get into fights over two teams they JUST started to follow. That's another thing, these people identify with either the really good team, or to fulfill the gimmick, the team with the Hooligan problems because they are so fucking "aggro" like their brothers on the other side of the ocean.
3. Attention whores who want the supporters clubs to call them "legends" because ether get so drunk they damn near die (and I get my balls busted and threatened to get kicked out of a club for HELPING someone), pick fights with cops and get unwanted attention on the club, pick fights with players-both on the team and other teams, try to lead a crew to go fight another crew from the other teams supporters, or they try to be the "funny guy". They just want attention because (as with most people involved) they have boring lives during the week and this is where they can become "weekend warriors"
Then there's the college kids who don't know a fucking thing (shocking I know) that show up like it's a giant keg party. These morons get drunk, get out of control, and some points almost cause major issues. ALso there are the hipsters, but seeing this team has gotten popular over time they haven't come back (Too big for them MAAAAAN).
Most of this garbage I don't associate with or do in short batches. If you look at my social media accounts, the majority of those people I just mentioned aren't there on my lists or interactions. When I go to discuss something with a group, I hate when someone says something totally uncalled for or out of left field, just because they want the attentionAgain, there are plenty of people I've met in all my time I've gone to games who are fantastic, family people. it's just the element around them I still haven't built enough patience or restraint to exist around. To those good people I know and you know who you are (or I'll probably tell you shortly somehow), I'm sorry for not coming out to games, Hopefully I will soon. Or maybe we can hang out in a non-game fashion.
Anyway, when I can figure out how to separate the positive people from the garbage, then I can come back more.