Picking up the pieces

by Peter Marus

I wrote a month ago about my tradition in life.  Since then it's still going on.  It's difficult to move though, since I have no time.  When my mom died, I did what most people do after a death: just get back into the hamster wheel and keep moving.  For the short term it works-it gives you a sense of normalcy.  What happens is some jobs like the one I have now, where you work six days a week, it puts you in a haze.  You have one day off to get two to three days work of errands and stuff done.  This isn't a productive way to live.  

I am now going to try to get my A+ certification again, despite the hurdles.  I am studying again and watching tutorial videos online.  It's funny what you need to know on the test that you'll probably never see in real life, which is how it goes in any certification test.  I wish I could take a formal class to re learn some of this, but my job wont accommodate that after saying I want to do this.  So despite them, I'm going to do it.  

Another issue is in my house.  I have my fiancée here and my sister.  My sister has a house on Long Island with her significant other but haven't fully moved in (they said it's because of they need work on it and with my mom dying it changed their plans).  The tow of them get along, but it feels like we are walking on eggshells.  My fiancée and I want to change some stuff in the house, but my sister doesn't want change.  It's frustrating and trying to work through it makes things a little dicey with my sister.  At some point it will come to a head and may not be pretty, but at the same time my fiancée moving in was planned long before my mom dying so I don't think my sister should be so put off with things. 

Positivity is something I'm trying to improve in my life as usual.  With all the negative crap I find myself in needs to change and I'm trying to fix myself.  I'm trying to talk myself up positivity, and stop all the negative talk my mind always has swirling in it all day at work.  It's important to do this since it's better for my well being, but also I have a lot of time to think at work, and I'd rather try to be more productive in that.