I told some I wouldn't explain what has been going on the past week or so soccer-wise, since I don't have to explain a goddamn thing to anyone, but I had a need to tonight.

I have been a member of the Empire Supporters Club for over a decade.  Right after college I joined, and for most of that time, it was one of the best things I have been a part of.  I still am proud today of being  member.  Which sort of made it hard to make the choice I made.  But at the same time it has to be something I need to do.  

I learned from my father that there's not enough time in life to just accept unhappiness and bullshit.  I make it a point that if something is not totally satisfying something in my life, and isn't bringing me happyness or enjoyment, I will stop it.  This is kind of what happened with the ESC.

It isn't something that I figured out a month ago, this is something that has slowly been building for probably 2 1/2 years or so.  I don't hate the club, or many of the people who run it or are a part of it.  many of these poeple I consider good, rightous, people.  I consider a few friends, or at least good acquaintences.  It's just some issues I've had with the club that has ground me down to where it's not fun going to games with the ESC.  That passion isn't there as it used to be.

I'll try to explain what I am talking about.  If some who read this think I should have consulted the leaders of the club, I have in the past and also these are things I honeslty don't think that have power over.

When I started coming to games, there was a crew of guys who I hung around and learned a lot about life and how to be a true supporter of a team.  SOme of these guys aren't around for one reason or another.  There are some still around, and I consider them people who have some real important value, but there are some of this same group I have no trust in after some incidents and other factors.  I wish there were some of these old-school guys around to help mold those who have come after them.  It seems the newer generation of the membership who are like the newer generation of society.  They are the one who will thump their chest and scream they are a part of the club, while first not paying their dues, or respecting those who have.  I've written a lot of cryptic shit the past few months, and one thing that I truly hope some of the "old-schoolers"-those I consider them the true supporters-will stomp into the heads of the spoiled brats in the until they get it:

 "Those who pay dues still have to learn and respect those who paid their dues before them."

The ESC has grown quite a bit in the past decade, and with growth there has been pains.  for a while the numbers have grown, but the heights haven't been as high.  With the not so vertical growth, the club grew horizontally.  I went into El Pastor, where the ESC meets before home games in Newark, and I saw this first hand.  It was like walking into a High School cafeteria, where everyone was segregated into little groups.  I walked around, saying hi to people, and it was like knocking on a door, saying hi to those inside, and having the door shut when everyone's back turned to themselves.  

It also was apparent to me the "caste system", which I knew was there for a while, where you had the "enlightened ones" who were those who put themselves in charge of most of the aspects of the club, and they looked down on the "commoners."  It was these "enlightened ones" who would really control the club, and not the ones who were elected to do so.  It was obvious who it was in that group-just think of the spoiled kids in high school who have the money, those who slid into positions of power by getting with the right people, and the wannabe hipsters who think living in the trendy part of town and living the stereotypical life they strive to be make them who they think they are (but just shield the severe insecurities they have deep inside themsleves).  

Anyway, after realizing I am on my own island, and feeling good knowing who I AM who I AM, it's when the question of "what the hell am I doing here?" came up loudly in my mind.  ANyway during the game, the issues of the new generation really came up.  These wannabes are tumping their chest going "I'm a supporter" which is insulting to me, and a few others as well.  These are the little boys acting like men.  these are the morons who will remember all the drinking and what happen when they were drunk, over what moment happened in the stadium or game.  Not only they remember this, they put that as top priority at a game or on a trip.  Thse are the assholes who get drunk to the point where they need medical attention and are celebrated for it by the other moron newbies.  Sadly this cancer has infested the club to a point where many of the newest of the new see that and think it's the norm.  it's eroding what I, and many are about, and NOTHING is being done about it.  

Check that, I've tried to fix it, but I got shit for it.  One point I remember telling people I am sick of dealing with the "frat" mentality, and if someone died in front of me, I could give a shit and wouldn't lift a finger to help them-they put themselves in that position, so let them get what they deserve.  But I was the asshole.

Seeing some of the fucking slobs in the section really pushed me over the edge, that and the chest-thumping jerkoffs not doing what they should be doing all game-SINGING FOR THE FUCKING TEAM.  They sit there slack-jawed, doing nothing., but they come up to me saying they're a real supporter.  Or, which really pisses me off, they think they have stroke to demand things happen in the club.  Who the fuck are you to say ANYTHING without putting ANY time in?  Fuck you, and earn your spot, just because you pay for your membership and ticket doesn't mean you have say.

This leads to something that gnawed at me for years, and it boiled over now.  I was told by an OG of the club that I would have say in some things given the time I put in.  To me this was a big deal, since it shows that my contributions are recognized.  I gave a lot of ideas about things years ago, which I was ready to do then, only to have them blown off or flatly ignored.  Years later, one of the new "enlightened ones" steals my idea, and everyone goes bullshit.  This has happened to many who tried to help over the years, which lead to at one point nothing got done because the "enlightened ones" passed down a decree for ideas from the commoners, and no one stepped up because their work probably would have been ignored.

For years this has been on my mind, when I see others get asked to help and its like I'm on a "pay no mind" list and I have taken it as a personal insult.  Recently, I not only thew the idea out of trying to have non-soccer social events, just to get more of a "club" feeling going, but I wanted to do one event myself.  Well, I came up with the idea, put together plans, and naturally everyone bitched and happened to have something else to do.  Bullshit, if it was an "enlightened one" that came up with it, everyone would have gone ape shit over it and it would have happened.  Well, I did tried rescheduling it, and there is some interest, but it ain't happening.  

So I reached my boiling point, and I decided to not partake in the club anymore.  Let me be clear: