by Peter Marus

I am writing this in lieu of a eulogy.  She didn't want one at her funeral, so there was none.  

Last Tuesday, my mom passed away.  She was in the hospital for a week prior fighting an infection that sent her blood pressure way down, and as much as she was improving, the years battling cancer and her other chronic issues finally was too much for her.  As sad as it is to lose her, I feel a bit of peace knowing she isn't suffering through the mountain of health issues she had.  

When she first went into the hospital, and had to be put on a breathing tube, my sister and I had to have it removed, as per her DNR/DNI she signed, freakishly, one year prior.  We had it removed, and she started breathing on her own.  After a couple days in ICU, she was moved to a regular room due to the amount she was improving.  When she was in her room, they were treating her for fluid in her lungs and her issues breathing (partly from all the fluids she was given).  Part of me knew it was coming to the end, even before home hospice came to speak with her.  She also knew, went as far as telling me.  She was calm about it or at least gave the illusion she was.  The day she died, my sister was with her moments before she did pass.  My sister left, and according to the nurse, she went quickly and peacefully.  I was glad my sister got to be the last family member to see her.  Sure, I'd love to have seen her one more time to tell her I loved her, but I am glad she saw a family member before leaving this world.

Dorothy Marus was an amazing woman.  She was a great mother, a teacher for countless young men and women in all her years teaching at St. Gabriel's in East Elmhurst, St. Pauls Episcopal School in College Point, and St. Stanislaus in Maspeth.  Her teaching and parenting-tough but fair_ mounded all those who were under her into better people.  She was selfless, compromising her health and her own needs for those who she loved.  She would go out of her way to help others, not out of self-gratification or her agenda, but out of a sense of duty and responsibility.  Her dedication was unquestioned.  Not to mention all she would do for our dogs, who she loved as if they were her own children.  

I am going to miss her, just like I miss my dad.  I'm scared and a little confused for my next step, I'll be honest, but I know what I do will be right, she taught me how to always do the right thing-even if it wasn't the easiest session to learn.  I really can't put into words here my thoughts, I have to still go through them, but I hope a little I have put makes sense and helps you understand.

I want to ask you to do one thing: I know she here have their issues with their moms, and may have estranged relationships with them.  I wish you do get a hold of your mom and just say hi and you love her.  You only get one in this world, and they are the ones who make you who you are (dads do too, but moms have a special thing, like the special thing they do to make food taste better, clothes cleaner, etc.).  You literally came from them, and I hope you make them know you appreciate that.